Stuffed Animals – The Harvard Lampoon

Break of Day #

| Issue Editor: NM '17 | Art Editor: BAB '17

Stuffed Animals

  HJH '19

JAMES: I know I’m overreacting, just don’t tell anyone about my stuffed animals, ok?

STEPHEN: No worries, bro.

JOHN: Yo Steve, just got your text about Baby James. What an idiot!

JAMES: They’re collector’s items! I was just gonna sell them.

STEPHEN: Sorry about that, man. I’m not great with secrets.

GREG: Stevie! Hilarious radio bit about James’s dolls. Dude needs to grow up.

JAMES: They’re my sister’s alright? What the hell, Stephen?

STEPHEN: That was about someone else.

AIDAN: Stevosaurus Rex! Loved the “James Walker has stuffed animals” airplane banner.

STEPHEN: That one was about you.

DAVID: Stever the Beaver! I don’t care what they say, “Stuffed” totally deserved that Oscar.

STEPHEN: Thanks, David. Means a lot coming from you.

JAMES: It’s not like I sleep with them, Jesus. Also, isn’t that guy a sex offender?

STEPHEN: Yes.

JAMES: Oh God, why do you have a microphone?

AL: Breathin’ Stephen, that concert rocked! Still humming “Beanie Babies (James Has Them).”

JAMES: Two lions and one dog, ok? That’s all I have. Please tell me it’s over.

STEPHEN: I would but lying is unethical.

PAT: Sir, just wanted to inform you that the slogan “James has stuffed animals and definitely sleeps with them” is polling inexplicably well in Iowa.