Summer Analyst – The Harvard Lampoon

Seasons of Life #

| Issue Editor: DRM '18 | Art Editor: JTB '18

Summer Analyst

  LGF '21   MRP '20

My deskmate this summer was a real jerk—but he was damn good at my job.

– Hey Jeff, just saw those numbers. Crazy what the Dow is doing these days!

– Yeah, I think the—.

– Three, four, five, eight! Sooo many fucking numbers! Always moving, rising! Falling.

– Mike, those are page numbers.

– They just keep going up. Into the hundreds—and the three-hundreds!

– This is a publishing company, you know—.

– At this rate, we’ll be retired by twenty-eight.

– —and no one has been paid in weeks.

– Time is money, Jeff. And money! is! time!

– I literally don’t even know what that means, Mike.

– (takes so much more Adderall)