Surviving an Economic Depression – The Harvard Lampoon

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Surviving an Economic Depression

  JOM '13

Food: Get yourself some rice in a burlap sack. You can find a 10-pounder for dirt cheap, or a 15-pounder that’s mostly dirt. Rice is the best Depression food ‘cause it’s easy to make and the kids love it. Anyway, you’ll need to barter all the rice for a pot and a few minutes on the communal stove, so instead of bitching about those kids how about you make them find some salt for the burlap stew.

Clothing: It’s the same old story: you were so busy pumping out the little runts you didn’t consider their implicit financial burden or read the telltale signs that Huggies™as nosediving for the red. Well it’s time to sack up. Dry rice sticks well to young skin and will withstand most heat waves. 10 pounds should last you a while if you’re smart with the hand-me-downs. Save the burlap for your patchwork evening gown; a lady always needs something nice.

Shelter: You want to outlast this Depression with your head held high. You want to live in “that” shanty on the block, the one with the quaintest bay windows and the deepest poop hole. Well it’s either lose the kids or cut up your burlap bed-canopy to make blankets.