Sweet Dreams, Tropical Ted – The Harvard Lampoon

Family Friendly Comedy #

| Issue Editor: JGS '20 | Art Editor: NAA '21

Sweet Dreams, Tropical Ted

  TN '19

Everything has a price. And living the good life racks up a big debt. I immediately recognize the dead body by the pool. Tropical Ted.

Nobody knew much about him, but most everybody liked him. No enemies. Quiet guy, except for right now he’s snoring pretty loudly. The body has no bullet entries or signs of struggle. No leads. Hmm. I pull out my gun and shoot him in the head.

Suddenly, I see it. Clear bullet entry, 30 millimeter round, fired point-blank. Pool of blood gushing from his skull. A clue. Hmm. I light my cigarette and take a drag, something I do to clear my mind and look at the big picture. I cough because it’s the first time I’ve ever smoked a cigarette.