…Tampons – The Harvard Lampoon

The Burnout #

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  EFM '09

Cashier: Tampons?
Guy: They’re for my girlfriend.
Cashier: Sure. Hold on a sec. I just need to check the price.
Guy: They’re $11.99. I already checked.
Cashier: Hm. The guy in charge of price checking isn’t responding. Strange. That’s the first time in seven years since he started working here that he hasn’t answered me for a price check. I guess I’ll page the manager.
Guy: Over the loudspeaker?
Cashier: Yeah. Of course he won’t know what product I’m talking about unless I mention specifically what it is that I don’t know the price of. The tampons.
Guy: They’re $11.99. Just…can’t you use the barcode?
Cashier: The barcode machine is broken. You’d think the most advanced barcode system in the world like we have here wouldn’t randomly break down like it did today, you know? The only way to find out the price is to ask the manager over the loudspeaker because he could literally be anywhere in the store.
Guy: Please don’t.
Cashier: Or maybe this pretty girl over there knows. I’m sure she would know. Do you know her? She looks about your age.
Guy: No.
Cashier: And her cheerleading outfit says Jefferson High School on it, just like it says on the gym uniform you’re trying to cover with your hands.
Guy: Please, I already checked the price. I double-checked the price just in case this happened.
Cashier: Hey. That looks like the football team over there. They’ll definitely know.
Guy: They’re…they’re punching a kid just because he bought pimple cream.
Cashier: Wow, looks like you’re right. You really should have thought twice about buying these, man.