Tax-Free Encounter – The Harvard Lampoon

Tax-Free Encounter

  JHU '54

We have $3,000 savings to invest and believe in the dignity of man. Box Y-920.
—personal notice in the Saturday Review (May 5, page 49)

I met a fellow in whose hand was hotly held a cool three grand. “Inform me of” he said, “the best technique of gaining interest.”

“Lend money at usurious rates ” I said. “It soon accumulates.” “Oh no!” he said. “It is unsound Artistically. Read Ezra Pound.”

“Invest ” I then suggested. “Deal Yourself a hand in U. S. Steel.” He snapped, “Big businessmen are sharks. Peruse Das Kapital, by Marx.”

“Then buy some U. S. Savior Bonds, For Our Defense, which corresponds To Yours and Mine.” He told, “Cease! Defense degrades. Read War and Peace.”

He added, “Dignity of men Is what we most believe in.” Then He slyly smiled and slowly backed Away, his principal intact.

He backed away,this bookish, chill Man of unyielding principal.