The ’91 Smear Campaign – The Harvard Lampoon

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The ’91 Smear Campaign

  BWKS '12   KCVD '13

During Missouri’s 1991 Congressional elections, Lonnie Lafon (R) ran a smear campaign against the incumbent, Bill Emerson (R). Ignoring the suggestions of his advisors, Lafon made a list of slogans that he read slowly and dramatically during television commercials. Emerson was reelected in a landslide.

Norvell William Emerson goes almost exclusively by “Bill.” Who is he hiding from?

Bill Emerson went to a public school. What, does he like riding a bus?

Bill Emerson is a Presbyterian, but can he even spell that? Lonnie Lafon is an atheist. A-T-H-E-I-S-T.

A vote for Bill Emerson is a vote for something safe. Lonnie Lafon’s collarbone has been broken repeatedly.

If you vote for Bill Emerson, you have to get in a car and go to the voting booth. Does he hate the environment?

Bill Emerson was born on January 1st. Was it for tax reasons or because he’s an admitted alcoholic?

Bill Emerson was born on January 1st, meaning he was probably conceived on April 1st. Are you going to vote for a joke candidate?

I once thought I saw Bill Emerson in a restaurant so I waved. It wasn’t him. Vote for someone who won’t embarrass you.

If Bill Emerson had a penis, wouldn’t he have kids by now? Not if he were gay.

Bill Emerson has been a Captain in the US Air Force Reserve since 1964 yet death still exists!

Bill Emerson is an ineffective politician. I’m gay, everyone.