The Birth of Horatio – The Harvard Lampoon

High Life #

| Issue Editor: BLWS '15 | Art Editor: CMM '16

The Birth of Horatio

  BLWS '15 , Art: SAE '17

SAE birth of horatio BLWS

01:00h: Cherise’s pelvis rumbles.

01:10h: Again. It is Eveline.

01:30h: “Hello Cherise,” says Melchior. “Horatio is drawing nigh.”

01:31h: Horatio was going to be the name if it was a boy. “Oh, it’s a boy, huh?” says Cherise.

01:35h: “No shit,” Balthazar says.

01:55h: Caspar broke the silence: “I brought frankincense!”

01:56h: Cherise reminds Caspar that she’s been in contractions for the past half hour.

02:00h: Balthazar measures the dilation. Prodigious. Horatio is destined for big things, that much is certain.

02:01h: Go time.

02:02h: “HOOOORAAAAATIOOOOOOOOO”

02:48h: Horatio emerges, his tuxedo glistening. He turns up his nose at Balthazar’s myrrh. Caspar’s frankincense passes muster.

02:52h: Cherise proffers her breasts but Horatio declines. He suckles on Melchior’s gold instead.

03:30h: Cherise’s boyfriend Brock returns from the bar. He has brought a diamond ring for Cherise as an apology for missing the birth. Horatio scoffs. Cubic zirconia.