The Season That Got “The Xtreme Team” Cancelled – The Harvard Lampoon

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| Issue Editor: ERB '14 | Art Editor: SHR '15

The Season That Got “The Xtreme Team” Cancelled

  BLWS '15

Episode 001—Totally Lame: The crew learn that their hometown skatepark is scheduled for demolition to make way for a new development by the tycoon Steven “Call Me An Entrepreneur” Ecksburg.

 

Episode 002—Rad Resistance: The crew use their xtreme abilities to sabotage Ecksburg. Darren busts a gnarly 180º through the tycoon’s living-room window to intimidate his family. Brock rips a sick backside grind on a boxcar to divert a vital shipment of medical supplies for the development. Drew halts construction by bludgeoning a Bobcat operator with his skateboard.

 

Episode 003—Halfpipe, Water Pipe: Riding high off of last episode’s successful capers, the crew decide to get very high. In a hallucinogen-induced stupor, Joey maims a small field mouse under his wheels and vows to change his ways.

 

Episode 004—A Crew Divided: Brock’s uptight girlfriend Sarah sides with Ecksburg, saying the tycoon’s development will be “good for the city” and “essential for her cancer treatment.”

 

Episode 005—Rippin’ Rudy (a New One): The crew meet a mysterious new shredder named Rudy, who wins their respect with his superior shredding skills. Rudy soon loses that respect, along with several teeth, after confessing that he too supports the Ecksburg Children’s Hospital because it could help treat his cerebral palsy.

 

Episode 006—Reverse to Fakie: Joey defects and joins Ecksburg’s side. A traumatic rodent-killing incident has turned him into a grieving shell of a man, and he cites this episode as his inspiration to make the world a safer, and less xtreme, place.

 

Episode 007—The Ties that Grind: Will Brock side with Sarah and Joey, or with the rest of the crew? Later in the episode, the crew’s preparations for a showdown grind to a cliffhanging halt when Drew is finally indicted on several separate manslaughter charges.
Episode 008—Wipeout?: The hospital has its grand opening, and the crew prepare to resume their food-service jobs. At the last minute, a well-intentioned but very stoned Joey commandeers a bulldozer to demolish the crew’s xtreme skateboard storage shed and break up the crew forever. To his dismay, he ends up taking out Ecksburg’s oncology wing instead. Brock and the crew celebrate their unexpected triumph by heelflipping over Brock’s ex-girlfriend’s hospital bed. Credits roll.