TV: Harmful or Just Deadly? – The Harvard Lampoon

TV: Harmful or Just Deadly?

  SCS '81

How many times have I witnessed parents passing around photos and talking endlessly about their kids?–“My son’s the idiot of his class,” “Mine’s a real palsy. Can’t even walk upright.” “Today my daughter’s teacher called me just to tell me he hates her,” “My kid killed someone last week.” It makes me wonder about what kind of parents they are, especially when they say, “I don’t drink, smoke, or swear. God-dammit, I left my cigarettes at the bar!” Now, how are we supposed to believe them when they lie to us so blatantly, and so ineptly, too?

Kids learn from two different sources: their eyes and their ears. Without the one, the other is useless. Yet they are both being ruined by famine, pollution, war, and a lack of attention span. And who do you think is responsible? Our “friend,” the television set.

It’s about time for our community to wake up and see that T.V. is nothing but a Pandora’s box, with a Pandora’s picture tube inside. Take for instance the unprecedented growth of juvenile violence. How can parents rear their children to be the docile creatures they should be when the evil presence of T.V. lurks in the house? Well, they can’t. Just looking at a television set can give an impressionable child ideas, and sure enough, he soon realizes that it can be used as a weapon, and then throws it at the first person who hurts his feelings, which is usually me. What’s more, it destroys the mind and body of every American child. Kids are very confused when first meeting Mickey Mouse because “television” lures them into believing that the mouse is much smaller. No doubt about it, T.V. is a danger. It is programmed to harm the youth of this great nation. For instance, turning channels is much like dialing too many phone numbers–their small digits cannot handle the stress. Now I wouldn’t let my kids watch a telephone all day, so why would I let them watch T.V.?

If the parents of this U.S. of A. would sit down and take a look at T.V., they would realize what is happening to their youngsters. Too many “educational” shows mold our children into the crooks and jerks they are today. Shows like Kill Your Mother, Take All the Money From Your Father’s Wallet, and Please Don’t Learn to Spell cannot help but have a bad influence on our youth, or anyone else’s youth. They also offend me, personally. We all know that too many commercials spoil the broth, and by extension, a child’s mind as well. Kids see maybe a zillion commercials in one night, and then they bug me to buy them everything–Big Wheels, Cheating-Barbies, Biz Bags, and a Hart’s two-in-one flea and tick collar. There ought to be a law.

You may realize by now that I don’t like television, even though the children do. It hurts them and makes them say really stupid things. My views may be shocking, but at least they’re right! I’m just glad there’s one person (me) who has the courage to say something about it. We can all agree that T.V. sets should be used for bookcases instead, bookcases with spelling books inside. There are too many kids who can’t spell the simplest of words. If you ask them what C-A-T spells they probably will answer “Shut-up.” Everyone knows it actually spells “cat!”