Two British Royal Guards – The Harvard Lampoon

Tenderfoot #

| Issue Editor: MKG '10 | Art Editor: IMTB '11

Two British Royal Guards

  CGB '11

Hugh: Hey Charles.
Charles: Hey Hugh. How’s your day so far?
Hugh: Humiliating. This morning I was standing extremely still like always when this boy came out of nowhere and…no. It’s too shameful.
Charles: Come on Hugh. No judgment.
Hugh: He got close to my face. He put his face very close to my face.
Charles: Oh my God. Where did you look? Where can you look?
Hugh: First I looked up, then I looked down, and finally I looked toward the horizon with my eyes a little blurry, like it was all a dream.
Charles: What if your eyes had made contact with his as you shifted them? I don’t even think there’s precedence for that.
Hugh: I know. I was shaking the entire time.
Charles: Well, at least you got him to leave.
Hugh: Here’s the thing— he stayed. It was like, shifting my eyes only made me tired.
Charles: Wha—Who is he? Steel Man?
Hugh: Then he started waving his hands around me while chanting, “Made you blink. Made you blink.” All of his friends swarmed around us and started taking pictures. Charles— I couldn’t help it. I blinked. I blinked multiple times.
Charles: I… I don’t know what to say. You did what you could. It’s in the past.
Hugh: What if they come back tomorrow? My eyelids are so sore.
Charles: Next time they come just remind yourself that you have one duty to the Queen, and that is to not acknowledge anyone.
Hugh: Two duties, if you count guarding the palace.
Charles: Right.