Lampoon reader, look in the mirror. In that reflection, you will see another mirror. And in that mirror’s reflection is me, MDL-G.
Take a good, long look. Chest hair, strong, voluminous, confident. Head hair, well-coiffed and still there for the moment. Pubic hair, laser removed over two months ago, and only a mild rash remains. See these veins? I have been working out in preparation for the last ten push-ups.
Lampoon reader, contrary to what you might think, this magazine is not about me, nor my vanity. It’s about taking what you can while you can. This magazine is about pulling your father’s kidney so you can have three kidneys. Waking up in the Harvard Lampoon under a sticky pile of advertiser money and spending it on freelancers in the Philippines to steal you more money.
But really it’s about getting my name out to our most notable Lampoon alumni, those who have the power to give me a job doing what I love, people like McKinsey consultant Zachary Wortman ‘14. Hello, Zach.
When I was in my more callow, teenage years, my father told me never to comp the Harvard Lampoon. But I did it anyway because I knew it would lead to better career opportunities. And now I’m here, editing an issue about MDL-G, the most interesting man in the world, a future captain of industry. At least in the niche industry of elite management consulting.
Look at me, reader. What does MDL-G mean to you? It’s hyphenated. It’s progressive. It’s cisgender. Basically, everything you look for in a spry, young associate, earning a six figure salary with generous benefits.
With my cover letter attached, my resume follows. Enjoy your MDL-Gs, Zach. I will see you at the New York office soon.