Wallet Log – The Harvard Lampoon

Down + Out #

| Issue Editor: ECM '15 | Art Editor: ECM '15

Wallet Log

  RJS '17

Wallet Log, week of 4/19

Wallet 285: Took this one from a woman’s purse while she watched her son’s soccer game. There was no CVS ExtraCare® card, but I could sense that one had been there mere moments ago. I must be getting close. I must.  

 

Wallet 286: Paid a small street boy to pick this off a suited man. I thought maybe he had hidden his CVS ExtraCare® card somewhere in the stacks of large bills, but it was all just money. I walked back to my apartment feeling cold, although the night was mild.

 

Wallet 287: Nabbed this one from a wallet store. This felt like an obvious move, but it was empty, which in retrospect I should have predicted. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself.

 

Wallet 288: Thirty dollars cash and a bunch of credit cards, which I tossed. I’m starting to lose hope—has everyone has sewn their CVS ExtraCare® cards into the linings of their clothes? I never told anyone that trick, except my traitor son. Today I pressed my hands to the glass of the CVS on 3rd and shivered as I watched a woman scan her card for ExtraBucks® Rewards. Did she even know what she had? Free pharmacy money, basically. That’s what ExtraBucks® are.

 

Wallet 289: Another decoy wallet filled with smaller wallets. Not even the tiniest CVS ExtraCare® card.

 

Wallet 290: This one was just full of ash. Yuck!

Wallet 291: Found a Walgreens Balance® Rewards card in this one. I may kill myself today.