Whale Watching – The Harvard Lampoon

Symphonia Fantastica #

| Issue Editor: JFAR '20 | Art Editor: JFAR '20

Whale Watching

  HJH '19

Guide: And here we have a FULL ORCA BREACH FOLKS A FULL BREACH! 9 O’CLOCK!!!

Crowd: Wow!

Garrett: What? Oh come on I was tying my shoes.

Drew: Dude, that was epic. No chance it happens again.

Guide: Anyways, the sperm whale mating ritual inv–LADIES AND GENTLEMEN A DOUBLE REVERSE BELUGA FEINT AND SWITCH! 9 O’CLOCK!!!!!!!!!!

Garrett: Oh great, right when I decide to close my eyes for 5 minutes no matter what.

Drew: Oh man that was so sick. I really can’t believe that.

Garrett: Ugh alright I’m keeping my eyes glued to the water from now on.

(Garrett’s phone rings)

Garrett: Hello? Oh god. Oh please god no.

Guide: As I was saying, the flippers or flappers or whatever on the whales–WOULD YOU BELIEVE THIS PEOPLE WE ARE WITNESSING THE SLIPPERIEST RENDITION OF–

Garrett: No. No. No. Not me. Please.

Guide:–THE GARDEN HOSE SHUFFLE EVER SCREENED ON LOCAL NEWS. A FULL-BLOWN NAUTICAL NO HANDS BUMP AND DIP WITHOUT A HARNESS. NINE. O’CLOCK!!!!

Drew: Surely a more fantastic spectacle has never been witnessed.

Garrett: (sobbing softly)

Drew: Did you see the–

Garrett: That was the bank. I…I don’t have a 401k.

Drew: But you saw the–

Garrett: Yeah man, I saw the whales kiss.