Year 3000 – The Harvard Lampoon

Ice Cold Water #

| Issue Editor: JEY '15 | Art Editor: PHM '15

Year 3000

  CHS '17

Scientists can finally unfreeze the cryogenically preserved.

– Welcome to the year 3000.

– I’m back, baby!

– Please, tell us about yourself.

– It’s me, Pete Sampras. (flexes muscles)

– Specimen’s name is Pete Sandpress.

– You must be psyched to meet me.

– Yes, the first man to be unfrozen.

– I meant because I’m Pete Sampras.

– Specimen was apparently a minor celebrity.

– You… don’t know Pete Sampras?

– Steve Sanchez? The murderer?

– Does this ring a bell? (swings arm)

– Oh, some kind of dancer?

– Yeesh, you nerds know nothing about sports.

– On the contrary, these days all scientists are also pro athletes.

– Oh my God, you’ve abandoned tennis.

– We love tennis!

– Then you must know Pistol Pete.

– You’re nowhere in our computer system.

– 1999 Wimbledon against Agassi? Nothing?

– Wait, did you say Agassi? As in Andre?

– Yes…

– Bill, get over here! This guy met Agassi!