‘PG’ stands for ‘Parental Guidance.’ I know all about this because I am an orphan and I have never been allowed inside a PG movie. But one time I did sneak into Home Alone and watched it until someone recognized me as the girl whose parents were involved in the hit and run that made it into all the newspapers and then I had to leave the theater.
Yes, my parents died in a hit and run. And no, they never found the train who did it.
So far, the things I really like about PG movies are the goofy springtraps and the holiday cheer. Recently I wrote my own PG movie.
Int. My House – Morning
The doorbell rings and I’m slipping around on a bowling ball accidentally.
Milkman
Woah, cool your jets, it’s just me, the milkman.
Me
Good morning and a very happy Veterans Day to you, sir.
Milkman
Happy Veterans Day. Hey, kid. Don’t tell your mom I asked, but is the man of the house home?
Me
Oh, that would be my father.
Milkman
Actually, princess, just between us, he would not be your father.
Me
No, not anymore I guess, seeing as how he was just recently involved in a hit and run accident with a train.
Milkman
I’m very sorry.
Me
You’re sorry?
Milkman
Well, yes.
Me
Why would you be sorry?
Mailman
*makes a break for it*
Me
*falling on the bowling ball and crushing my ankle comically*
That scene is based on a real fantasy of mine where my biological father is actually alive and has a heavy moral burden to bear.
Ext. Hospital – Day
Doctor
Well, Jessie. I’m sorry to say that your ankle was totally crushed.
Me
And my parents?
Doctor
Oh. They were also totally crushed.
That scene is a flashback of the real time my parents died in a hit and run on Veterans Day, and nobody cared because they weren’t Veterans.
