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Pieces

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King of Smooth
21
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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Bus Driver
1
May 2018
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …
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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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Reddit History
June 2020
Comment on New Zelda Game Out! by /u/bowzrrr999 in /r/nintendo [–] GREG_THE_MAN  0 poin…
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E=mcBUTT
February 2020
sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… plea…
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Charlie and the Next Successor
November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
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Laser Danger
19
January 2022
Before dying of liver failure, action stuntman Laser Danger said some of the coolest things utter…
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Cold War Frat Boy
71
May 2022
Nuclear warheads dropping near the die table. Bombs away, babes. Time for a quick game to 11 before…
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A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
6
October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
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Yearbook Signing
May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…
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Larry Buys Condoms
20
March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
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That Guy
March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
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Measuring the Length of my Penis
15
February 2020
*mmmm* ..    (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark)    “mmm…
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Me & My Babies
7
November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…