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Pieces

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Blockbuster
22
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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May December Romance
55
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
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If It Were Big Bird
May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
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President’s Little Helper
33
September 2021
Chief of Staff: Mr. President, he’s here. The solution to all of our problems. &nbs…
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Driving a Plane
21
September 2021
As I’m driving a plane down the highway, airport control radio crackles in, “Unit 332, …
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There’s No More Gazpacho In The Cupboard
1
October 2020
– What? – There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I suppos…
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Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
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Vanagon
3
December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
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The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
23
May 2021
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the e…
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My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
1
October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
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Half Day
11
March 2019
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been re…
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Exam Locations
8
May 2018
Last Names A- Y: Harding Room 2121 Last Name Zanderson: Arrive at the boarded up Liquor-Max on Was…
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Run To End Lung Cancer
33
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients.  Me: Oh…
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One Man Car Wash
June 2020
– (standing on street corner with buckets of water, some rags, and a ‘Car Wash’ s…
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The Trial of the Decade
1
October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
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Costume Party
2
December 2020
— Hey Brenda how’s it— jesus christ dude! — Ha ha fooled ya. Don’t I…
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Street Fight
October 2020
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gon…
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Tuxedo
10
September 2020
Glad I’ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it…