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Pieces

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My Relationship
2
February 2010
… is like any other, especially the kind where one partner steals from the other, day after …
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Midnight Train
December 2020
Me: Hello, I’m here to catch the midnight train to Georgia. Station Manager: Well, it will b…
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My First Kiss
20
September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
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Driving to a Burger Joint
October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
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There’s No More Gazpacho In The Cupboard
1
October 2020
– What? – There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I suppos…
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The Black Death
37
March 2022
- Anne, mine old friend, I… I hast been touch'd by the bubonic plague.- Nay! Prithee, Margar…
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Dropping My D-Hall Tray
October 2020
No, dude. No no no no this is not happening right now. I’ve lightly grazed the doorframe on m…
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If Money Grew On Trees
13
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
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Secret Journal
5
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
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Tax Collector
45
May 2022
When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots …
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Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
10
September 2020
Peter Sagal: Thaaaanks Bill, it’s the week between Christmas and new years and we here at Wai…
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Dinosaur Story
12
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
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Proposal
1
December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…
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Film Noir
2
December 2020
The year was December 17th, winter to be exact. Outside my office it was a wet, dark afternoon&mdas…
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D-Day Picnic
June 2020
Soldiers: (storm the beach) (lots of explosions) Father: What the heck we’re having a picnic…
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A Taste of My Own Medicine
8
October 2020
Most people don’t believe this, but my job wasn’t always swindling terminally-ill peopl…
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Dating Simulator
15
August 2021
It’s the first day at Romance Academy. A new student introduces herself to you: Mitzi, eighte…
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Chained To A Tree
18
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
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How Cancer Eventually Got Cured
9
July 2021
Before you say anything, we know what you’re thinking: why should you care that cancer eventu…
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Bus Driver
11
May 2018
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …