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Pieces

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Paul McCartney Hyping Himself Up Outside of Ricky’s Pub Before Naming The Beatles – July 14, 1958, Liverpool
21
August 2019
Okay Paul. You’ve got this mate. You’re gonna go in there, you’re gonna march rig…
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Fat Camp
48
March 2019
My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it’d be so much easier for t…
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Letter to Roosevelt
January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
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Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
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2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
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Larry’s Donation
February 2020
Larry inhaled for a second, let the shivers pass, and proceeded to wipe the spunk off the glossy ma…
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Dear President
16
October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
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Ashes
1
March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
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Wet Dream
94
January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
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Blockbuster
22
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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Eugenics
December 2020
– Looks like your baby came out of the eugenics machine beautifully. – Doctor, that is…
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Date Ideas
1
November 2020
-Tap Dancing Summer Intensive-Battle it out in a kite flying competition-Try lettuce for the first …
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Ghost Hunters
32
December 2020
School’s out, plan is a go.  It’s officially Halloween.  My parents think I&r…
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My Birth
6
December 2020
Here are some things that might happen when I am born. — The doctor accidentally gives my pa…
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Johnny Adventure, Space Cashier
33
It’s the future, but not so far in the future that cashiers are obsolete. We open on our prot…
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At a wedding reception
October 2020
Well, here goes nothing… (jumps up on table) Ahem! Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, I can’t le…
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Business Presentation
June 2018
ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast. SMITH: I…
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Change Jar
3
May 2021
i am texting from the faculty lounge and i am looking at the Change Jar in front of me and it appea…