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Pieces

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Love Song
November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
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Tax Collector
45
May 2022
When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots …
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Chained To A Tree
18
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
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Larry Buys Condoms
20
March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
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Ashes
1
March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
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Career Day
December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
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Blockbuster
22
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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Modern Day Barbershop Quartet
3
October 2020
Quartet: (singing) Once is a day at a time, twice is looking so fine! Customer: Neat-o! A quartet!…
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Bad Days
10
October 2020
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours. …
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College
10
October 2020
Kid: Well, I guess this is it, huh? Mom: Our baby boy, going to college. You know I remember when …
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Things I Want to Tell Stacy Now That I’m No Longer In Eighth Grade
18
February 2010
– I was the one who kind of initiated the tradition of everyone hugging each other at the end…
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Retirement Compound Salesman
14
November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
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Gorilla Larry
18
October 2020
– Woo wooo  eeh  ahhh  wooo  *feeds on stems*. – There he is, what…
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Dinosaur Story
12
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
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Girlfriend
15
September 2021
Of course I have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school. Which school? The, uh, the one a fe…
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A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
10
October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
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Tech Support Chat
October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
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The Time I Got Caught Milking
10
February 2020
One time I was at the farm, milking some cows when Bobby, the guy that owns the farm, comes out run…
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Fire Department Tour
10
March 2020
Fire Chief: And this here’s where we do our laundry—(alarm goes off) Oof, sorry kids, t…