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Pieces
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21 • November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24 • September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
E=mcBUTT
10
MMM '20 • February 2020
sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… plea…
Kashan Rugs
10
EAH • May 2022
Snails Need Love Too
1
ZDG '20 • November 2019
A darkly handsome bladesman stood at the edge of the clearing. I didn’t recognize him, but hi…
Safari
2
BWM '19-'21 • September 2020
“And here you’ll see the world’s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example…
Toss Me Off The Edge, Then, Why Don’t You?
ZDG '20 • August 2020
Oh, sure. Back me up further to the edge of the boat. I don’t mind. Are you pissed? You seem …
Draft Dodging
60
RYSL • May 2023
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully,…
A Day in the Life of Hamish Olsen, New York, 19
55
CDL '21 • December 2020
She looked at him like a deer in headlights might look at someone if it had human eyes. Hamish had …
Run To End Lung Cancer
69
JLN '21-22 •
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients. Me: Oh…
Bad Days
21
MAG '21-'22 • October 2020
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours. …
Medical Report
72
EPS '24 •
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me. It started p…
Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
37
EAT '24 •
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
Driving a Plane
42
EAT '24 • September 2021
As I’m driving a plane down the highway, airport control radio crackles in, “Unit 332, …
Vanitas
LRK '21-'22 • January 2021
Dear Readers, My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
27
BWM '19-'21 • September 2020
Peter Sagal: Thaaaanks Bill, it’s the week between Christmas and new years and we here at Wai…
Charlie and the Next Successor
11
JGS '20 • November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
Smart Home
43
JGB '25 • March 2023
Randy: (puts down bags) Ah, it’s good to be back. Jessica: Honey, turn on the lights, it&rsq…
Red Dye 40
74
EAT '24 • December 2023
I walk in the door, yoga pants bunched tight around my middle-aged buttocks. My husband thinks I&rs…
My Ideas for Hallmark Cards
24
MFP '23-24 •
- I’m sorry I spilled your drink - It shouldn’t matter what’s in the cup, whethe…
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