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Pieces

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Application
11
October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
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Last Day at the Zoo
16
December 2020
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-l…
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Tales of Vengeance
11
September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
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Kermit
49
December 2020
Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that ha…
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Texting on My Laptop
9
February 2019
Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Sarah, sorry.  Me: I didn’t realize hitt…
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Psychic Argument
23
Psychic 1: I told you, I don’t know what happened to your dog! Psychic 2: Then why did I see…
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At a wedding reception
October 2020
Well, here goes nothing… (jumps up on table) Ahem! Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, I can’t le…
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E=mcBUTT
February 2020
sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… plea…
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Springtime Getaway
12
September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency.  Hi, my 8-months pregna…
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St. Louis Children’s Theatre Production Company
10
March 2019
Hello kids, thanks for coming out to audition. First, a little bit about me. My unrelenting passion…
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Larry takes a trip on Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas
March 2020
Patricia: Hello everyone and welcome to Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas. My name is Patricia…
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The C5 Beer Pong Table Piece
December 2019
So you’re in the market for a custom Beer Pong Table, preferably in the C4 through C6 range, …
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Squirrels
20
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
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Waxing Thoughts
43
January 2022
“I understand your pain. I’ve gone through the same thing”:– the woman wa…
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Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
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What I Imagine Summer Camp is Like
December 2020
1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast. 2. I eat slop wit…
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If It Were Big Bird
May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…