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Pieces

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Crazy Parents
1
October 2008
CRAZY PARENTS are a huge problem for all of us. But are your parents crazy in a comedy way, or a re…
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Retirement Compound Salesman
14
November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
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Midnight Train
December 2020
Me: Hello, I’m here to catch the midnight train to Georgia. Station Manager: Well, it will b…
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TV Show Taglines
October 2019
-Babies vs. Cars: Will the underdog keep losing? -A car? Versus a baby? -This baby specifically d…
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Biome
July 2021
Life ‘em up, boys. That’s what our sergeant used to say. Our job was to create the bigg…
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2009 Make-A-Wish
24
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
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That Guy
March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
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Larry was there.
October 2020
Larry was there. Larry saw the flashes as the troposphere lit on fire, the sounds the bombs made as…
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Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
55
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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A Day in the Life of Hamish Olsen, New York, 19
44
December 2020
She looked at him like a deer in headlights might look at someone if it had human eyes. Hamish had …
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TV Salesman
October 2020
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his m…
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Snails Need Love Too
November 2019
A darkly handsome bladesman stood at the edge of the clearing. I didn’t recognize him, but hi…
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Crying in the Rain
1
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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Strange Position
3
Alright Officer, so there I am walking down Main Street with my groceries when I see this guy layin…
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Chimney Sweep
27
January 2017
Chimney sweeping is what I was born to do since I have no arms or legs. Doctors called my missing l…
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Teacher’s Note
20
July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
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Proposal
1
December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…