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Pieces
Hamilton
125
JLN '21-22 • October 2020
This is the real story of something that occurred to me in 2008. John Weidman ‘68: I hear we…
My Anime Fanfiction
18
JEC '21 • November 2020
You wake up in your high school dorm. Umaru-chan, your roommate / stepsister who is also your girlf…
Store Closing
DRM '18 • December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…
New York
9
BWM '19-'21 • December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
King of Smooth
67
CLC '22-'23 • December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
At The Airport With My Least Favorite Uncle
10
ENO '21 • April 2020
Uncle: Hey, Martin! Martin! Sit with me! Martin: I gotta get on my plane. Uncle: Where’re y…
Econdoms
29
WLU '25 • May 2022
Lou Bega Gets Married
PKS '21-'22 • July 2019
A little bit of Jenieva in my life A little bit of Jenieva by my side A little bit of Jenieva is …
Charlie and the Next Successor
10
JGS '20 • November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
Donate Broth
46
JGB '25 • May 2022
Relax
10
MJS '19 • October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
JLG '21 • October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
Letter to Roosevelt
10
MMM '20 • January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
The Taco Bell on Beverly
25
HBF '19 • January 2020
“Where are you going?” you ask the homeless man wandering down San Vicente. “Don&…
How to Handle Being in a Long Distance Relationship
50
CYL '26 • March 2023
1) College is busy, so it is important to set up a schedule with your significant other. When…
SchopenMeower Cartoons
24
AMC '23 • May 2022
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
23
CAS '12 • May 2021
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the e…
Job Fair
52
MRB '25 • March 2023
Welcome, child, to The Optimizer's annual "Fun N' Fulfillment" job-provisioning fair. Remember, the…
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22 • September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
Run To End Lung Cancer
48
JLN '21-22 •
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients. Me: Oh…
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