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Pieces

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Blockbuster
22
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…
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Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
10
September 2020
Peter Sagal: Thaaaanks Bill, it’s the week between Christmas and new years and we here at Wai…
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Larry Buys Condoms
20
March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
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SNOWED IN
10
January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
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Me & My Babies
7
November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
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Words to Console a Grieving Friend
15
September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
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Ray Charles
1
December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
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Girlfriend
15
September 2021
Of course I have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school. Which school? The, uh, the one a fe…
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Advice
January 2020
Listen bro I totally get where you’re coming from, but just remember that next time you point…
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Marco Polo
16
March 2019
Marco Polo travelled the world trading spices, documenting his experiences. Today, I entered the c…
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Seven Deadly Gourds
June 2020
The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%. The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still…
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One Man Show
13
August 2021
The janitor was diligently color-coding dust when the director burst in. “Mort, none of the a…
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World Famous Worm
40
December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
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Frat Boy
39
December 2021
There’s nothing cooler than being a frat boy.  Picture this. I’m sitting on the f…
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Store Closing
December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…
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Morning Routine
15
December 2020
8:00am – Wake up and shower. This is easy if you sleep in the shower. 11:30am – Put so…
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Life After the Lampoon
18
August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
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Dialogue Options in Fallout: New Cambridge
66
May 2022
Stranger: Hey there traveler! Is there anything I can help you with?   [1] I’m very hu…