Birthday Girl – The Harvard Lampoon

Celebration #

| Issue Editor: RIP '09 | Art Editor:

Birthday Girl

  RIP '09

BIRTHDAY GIRL: Tonight’s been unbelievable. You are honestly the most amazing friends in the world.
CARLA: Well don’t thank us just yet!
BIRTHDAY GIRL: What do you mean OH MY GOD CAKE!
CARLA, RACHEL, CHLOE: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear . . .
[Carla, Rachel, and Chloe exchange anxious looks.]
CARLA, RACHEL, CHLOE: . . . muhmmuhmmuh . . . Happy birthday to you!
BIRTHDAY GIRL: . . .
CARLA: And many more!
BIRTHDAY GIRL: . . .
CARLA: Blow out the candles!
RACHEL: Oh my God, yeah! Blow out the candles!
CHLOE: Blow out them candles, birthday girl, woo!
BIRTHDAY GIRL: What did you say my name was?
CHLOE: Huh? What? Candles! Woo!
BIRTHDAY GIRL: In the birthday song, what did you say my name was?
CHLOE: Oh, you know. Your name . . . is what we said.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: And what name was that?
CHLOE: Aw, come on. It’s cake time! This is a very yummy-looking cake-
BIRTHDAY GIRL: No, Chloe. What’s my name?
CHLOE: Your name . . . is . . . my good friend. My best friend. Hello.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: Chloe!
RACHEL: This is ridiculous; we all know your name.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: If you know it then what is it?
RACHEL: It’s, um, I don’t know.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: Rachel!
RACHEL: Okay, but in all fairness, though, I thought you didn’t know my name.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: I ’ve known you literally my entire life. Of course I know your name, Rachel.
RACHEL: Okay. Well. Now I know that. I had a false impression, and I will be the first to admit it.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: How about you, Carla? Do you know the name of your own roommate since college?
CARLA: Okay. So hear me out on this. Basically, the thing is, I do not know your name.
BIRTHDAY: I can’t believe this! Here I am thinking I’m with my best friends in the whole
world and you don’t even know who I am. I’m Sarah. My name is Sarah.
RACHEL: Woo, Sarah! Happy birthday, girl!
CHLOE: Yeah, Sarah!
CARLA: Sarah! Happy birthday, Sarah!