Joey Chestnut is a competitive eater and sixteen-time winner...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty’s friend Clumpty told a funny joke. Humpty’s friend Clumpty told a funny joke...

Hey Bruce, how’d you sleep? I hope it was good, because we have a lot to discuss now that you’re awake. Remember Jibbly from our wedding...

The Red Sox are leading the Yankees in a 2-1 nail-biter going into the ninth inning. Aaron Judge steps up to bat, and—hang on, folks—he’s been shoved out of the way by a buck naked streaker...

Oh sorry, were you in line? I have fetal alcohol syndrome so I get to purchase my alcohol first...

Hey, Dave? You know that unicorn piñata...

I don’t have any genitals, which has made it very hard to make friends in school...

Heyy! sorry i feel like i was talking ur ear off last night about all the different new types of meditation ive come up w hahaha...

Would you still date me if I had feet for hands...

Jobbly-joobly; jibbly, jobbly...

IF JESUS IS A MIRACLE WORKER, THEN WHY IS MY PROJECT TAKING SO LONG...

Hey, it’s Derek from I.T. It’s my job to oversee your search history, and I noticed you’ve spent the past few hours looking at ropes and night vision goggles. I just wanted to let you know that if you’re planning a heist, I’m in...

- Anne, mine old friend, I… I hast been touch'd by the bubonic plague.- Nay! Prithee, Margaret, bid ...

As I’m driving a plane down the highway, airport control radio crackles in, “Unit 332, you left  the...

– What? – There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I supposed to eat? – I don...

I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral ...

And Jordan moves left… Spins around Stockton… Wretches nine times and DRAINS the mid-range jumper! ...

-Wow, you’re right, stargazing is pretty cool. -Stare long enough, and apparently you start to see ...

Mr. Parker marries Esmeralda, a Colombian bombshell 20 years his senior with...

Happy Saturday everyone – good to see you at the town meeting. All our sheriffs died last night.   ...

Good evening, Lady Harrington. I have arrived on my mighty steed to take you away to — pardon me. Ho...

To study for a role as a troubled alcoholic, Leonardo DiCaprio attended several real Alcoholics Anonymous meetings...

I’m going to be honest with you, reader—my sophomore fall didn’t get off to a great start. Sure, I h...

Hey Guys!I’m sending you this email to invite you to help with my crowdfunding campaign. I’m curren...