What’s New
Check it Out
%20(1)%20(dragged).jpg)
Crimson Parody
Fall '25
The Lampoon's Fall 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson
The Latest
Barbie Gets Breast Cancer
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by KMB '26
Welcome to the first support group meeting for Barbies with Cancer. Please help yourself to some Easy-Bake banana bread...
Rat Western
The Posthumous Writings of B.R. Tanglord # • by MSS ’25
Today, the sun beats down in a different way. The rays pierce through my fur and into my skin...
How To: Human Shield
The POW! # • by CLHC '26
When you get selected to be a human shield you must accept the fact that these are your last few minutes alive...
80-Year-Old Virgin
The Posthumous Writings of B.R. Tanglord # • by BDL '26
You might be wondering: how? Was I unattractive...
Reverse PTSD
The Posthumous Writings of B.R. Tanglord # • by GMB '28
Bullets fly all around me. One hits me in the arm. Oh, God. I feel a DSTP flashback coming on. I'm about to be tortured by a memory of normal civilian life...
Move Trailer
The Posthumous Writings of B.R. Tanglord # • by GCLS '27
Black screen. Little girl's voice: "There once was a man named Blood-maker...
Call of Duty 1969
The POW! # • by HTM '26
A foreign land. A jungle of death...
Dear Arnold
The POW! # • by DKN ’27
Everyone we know died of STDs...
Mc Carthy In Hell
The POW! # • by HTM '26
Wait! Don’t throw me in the fire...
How To: Mexican Standoffs
The POW! # • by MSS ’25
The first thing you will need to do is point a gun at a guy...
Grief Counselor
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by RB '26
Pete has been struggling to find work ever since he had the optional surgery that removed his ability to understand subtlety...
How To: Hostage Negotiation
The POW! # • by CLHC '26
The most important part of hostage negotiations is being unafraid of failure. In fact, 90% of my hostage negotiations have ended in death...
Deep Cuts
Choose Your Own Adventure
Mutually Assured Destruction # • by JGB '25
You are feeling awfully hungry today. What would you like to eat?
> A ham sandwich. Keep readin...
Hammurabi
The Unstoppable March # • by ZDG '20
After the success of his first 282 laws, the Babylonian lawgiver released a less popular but more nu...
Last Day at the Zoo
Flesh & Blood # • by NSG '20-'22
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-lo...
What I Would Do if I Could Fly?
Upside Up # • by FOD '24
- I would swoop and soar.
- I would perch on rooftops and listen in on conversations of my frien...
Rare
Once in a Blue Moon # • by HJH '19
Some things are less rare than you think.
Winning the Lottery
My friend Rigley won the lottery yes...
Waterboy
The Mental Health Issue # • by NGH '23
It’s my first day as waterboy. The rest of staff is nowhere to be found, so I guess I gotta get al...
Job Application: Pizza Hut Delivery Driver
The POW! # • by The Harvard Lampoon
None of your goddam business...
J. Robert Oppenheimer signs an NDA
For Your Consideration # • by CDL '21
– You understand that after you sign this document you cannot discuss the Manhattan Project with any...
Vanagon
Dead of Night # • by MAS '18
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailroom all the ...
Swearing Kills
Lampy Sells Out # • by MFP '23-24
The Woods
Family Friendly Comedy # • by JLN '21-22
I bring you out here at the end of summer every year. You notice that? My father did the same. My fa...
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
One Last Dance # • by CAS '12
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the el...
