Today, the sun beats down in a different way. The rays pierce through my fur and into my skin...

Welcome to the first support group meeting for Barbies with Cancer. Please help yourself to some Easy-Bake banana bread...

The most important part of hostage negotiations is being unafraid of failure. In fact, 90% of my hostage negotiations have ended in death...

Everyone we know died of STDs...

None of your goddam business...

When this reporter first learned about the Vietnam War...

A foreign land. A jungle of death...

Tanglord, I'm here because I love you. I know we haven't talked in a bit, but it's not like I haven't tried. It's just that ever since we told you about beer last Thursday...

We look great in this inauguration photo, Mr. President! Can you just do me a small favor and have the media guys edit out the bunny ears...

WELCOME TO ULTIMATE DEATH SHOWDOWN V...

Black screen. Little girl's voice: "There once was a man named Blood-maker...

Tom is strolling along the railroad tracks, whistling a happy tune. Jerry walks parallel to Tom on t...

Hello kids, thanks for coming out to audition. First, a little bit about me. My unrelenting passion ...

Renaissance Faire season coincides with whaling season, which means most people do not know about th...

It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy ...

Dear lame-o’s 50 years from now, You guys don’t know it yet, but you’ve gotta be the biggest pussie...

On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. “Let there be light,” He said, and there was light...

Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we have here?” t...

Lindsey: It is so hot that you speak French, Jack.Jack: Ah, but how else would I order . . . la crèm...

Lead: Fellas, meet the new fifth member of our quartet–Tom! Bass: Swell to meet ya Tom! Baritone: ...

Dr. Scott, I hope the malpractice suit is going well. We’re all rooting for you back at the office—...