What’s New
The POW! #
Congratulations! If you’ve made it this far...
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
Winter 2024
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Crimson Parody
Fall '25
The Lampoon's Fall 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson
The Latest
Job Application: Pizza Hut Delivery Driver
The POW! # • by The Harvard Lampoon
None of your goddam business...
Nazareth Carpentry FAQ
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by HTM '26
IF JESUS IS A MIRACLE WORKER, THEN WHY IS MY PROJECT TAKING SO LONG...
Jobbly: Origin Story
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by HRF '25
Jobbly-joobly;
jibbly, jobbly...
Triage
The POW! # • by CLHC '26
Lampoon Investigates Was Nam Really That Bad?
The POW! # • by SEH '26
When this reporter first learned about the Vietnam War...
Waking Up From A Coma
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by AWE '27
Hey Bruce, how’d you sleep? I hope it was good, because we have a lot to discuss now that you’re awake. Remember Jibbly from our wedding...
Silly PTSD
The POW! # • by CYL '26
Coming home from the war has been an adjustment. My family has had to get used to the fact that I no longer have any legs...
Arcade Game Update
The POW! # • by HTM '26
WELCOME TO ULTIMATE DEATH SHOWDOWN V...
Sound Syndrome
The POW! # • by RSA '25
My wife can’t stand me now because whenever I try dirty talk...
How Ivy League Aliens Respond When You Ask Where They Crash Landed
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by SEH '26
Oh, just a little crater in Roswell. Well I’m from New York, but every summer we crash in Area 51...
How To: Mexican Standoffs
The POW! # • by MSS ’25
The first thing you will need to do is point a gun at a guy...
How To: Hostage Negotiation
The POW! # • by CLHC '26
The most important part of hostage negotiations is being unafraid of failure. In fact, 90% of my hostage negotiations have ended in death...
Deep Cuts
Turing Test
README # • by FOD '24
— Hey check it out, it’s our lab's newest artificial intelligence.
— Oh. Cool.
— Ask it...
Molotov Cocktail
Upside Up # • by MFP '23-24
- I’ll take one molotov cocktail, kind sir.
- (Throws molotov cocktail on the dancefloor)
- Perfec...
My Birth
Flesh & Blood # • by SWR '19-'20
Here are some things that might happen when I am born.
— The doctor accidentally gives my parents t...
F.B.I. Agent
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional # • by KMB '26
Yes, it’s me. I’m the one listening into every call, text, or video you’ve ever sent. It’s just me though...
SchopenMeower Cartoons
Lampy Sells Out # • by AMC '23
Gavels
Justice Is Served # • by JGB '25
You know that feeling when you take out your laundry and there’s only one sock, and you’re like wher...
Mecca
Upside Up # • by SAB '24
Half-way through my pilgrimage to Mecca, I decided I’m actually going to be agnostic.
Earlier toda...
Stars
One Last Dance # • by NGH '23
-Wow, you’re right, stargazing is pretty cool.
-Stare long enough, and apparently you start to see ...
How to Handle Being in a Long Distance Relationship
README # • by CYL '26
1) College is busy, so it is important to set up a schedule with your significant other. When the s...
Why I Wish I Was a Green Boy Instead of a Blue Boy
Grass is Greener # • by BWM '19-'21
I was born a blue boy, but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a big green boy. Green boys get to be fun...
Heaven
Upside Up # • by CLC '22-'23
– And the last thing is that the Build-A-Bear is closed Sundays, so you’ll want to plan around that....
Discovery Kids Pilot Episode
Seasons of Life • by MJS '19
– We’re in KidLand! ClapClapClap Having fun with the Kidman! ClapClapClap That’s me!
– You can come...