Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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Crimson Parody
Crimson Parody
Spring ’25
The Lampoon's Spring 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson

The Latest

Red Dye 40
Suburbia # by EAT '24
I walk in the door, yoga pants bunched tight around my middle-aged buttocks. My husband thinks I’m g...
Pool Rules
Suburbia # by SEH '26
Children under the age of 14 may not use the pool without a parent or guardian present, unless the...
Draft Dodging
The Quixotic # by RYSL
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully, I’m in...
Accountant
The Quixotic # by OMA '24
Those files better say that I can buy a boat, Gene. My wife loves boats. My girlfriend loves boats...
Incentives
Suburbia # by MRB '25
Ever since I earned my online economics nanodegree, I’ve been controlling my fourth-grade class usin...
Confessional
README # by SMR '25
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...
Morning Announcements
Suburbia # by SEH '26
Good morning Vietnam! No, it's not Robin Williams. I know everyone gets excited every time I do that...
Conditional Love
Imaginary Friends # by EB '24
Would you still date me if I had feet for hands...
Modern Mom Gritty Reboot
The Quixotic # by CLC '22-'23
(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a p...
Sisyphus
Imaginary Friends # by DKN ’27
I’m almost identical to Sisyphus, except...
Bob Golf
The Quixotic # by JKF '25
“How was your summer, Bob Golf?” chuckles the hottest guy in school. I like to stand behind him in t...
Puritan Party
The Quixotic # by RYSL
Hey. (gurgles) You think this is allowed? (spits) It’s not even really drinking, man!  Cool. How...

Deep Cuts

Going to America
The Quixotic # by LKN '25
Grandpa says that in America, the streets are paved with gold and the water is made of milk and hone...
Brain Man
README # by JKF '25
Knock knock. Hey silly. It’s me. The deceased 50 year old man who has permanently moved into...
Change Jar
One Last Dance # by KPB
i am texting from the faculty lounge and i am looking at the Change Jar in front of me and it appear...
The Talk
Me and My Lovers # by LRK '21-'22
My Birth Mom: It’s a boy! Me: Hey, girl, what’s up? What you doing later, sexy mama? Mom: I’m b...
Fortune Teller Comix
Smellfungus # by MAK '21
Murphy's Law
Upside Up # by IKI '26
Inventing the Wheel
The Unstoppable March # by MFP '23-24
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you… the wheel! (Roaring applause) Just what exactly does it d...
A Gentlemanly Cop
Justice Is Served # by DCCP '25
Good evening, Mademoiselle. [I tip my hat and reveal a smaller fancier hat] You’re under arrest fo...
May I Approach the Bench?
Justice Is Served # by OMA '24
You may, but keep it quick, I have five minutes until Judge Judy comes on, and I’m going to have t...
Non-Confrontational Judge
Justice Is Served # by JKF '25
Thank you all so much for showing up to the courthouse this morning, even in the rain. Over the past...
Van Gogh
The Proper Bostonians # by JKF '25
“Let’s start this interview with a simple question. Van, in just a few sentences, how did you become...
Econdoms
Lampy Sells Out # by WLU '25
Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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