Career Day – The Harvard Lampoon

Break of Day #

| Issue Editor: NM '17 | Art Editor: BAB '17

Career Day

  GJA '17

Hey kids! If you think robbing a bank is cool, you ought to try working at one.

You start the day off by “casing” the joint. Did Felix miss a spot during last night’s mopping? No. He’s a professional. Just like you. The peppermint bowl properly brimmed? It is now.  

The pieces are in place. Check your watch: everything’s right on schedule. Double check the schedule pinned to the corkboard to make sure.

On to the alarm system. Hone your tech expertise and flip our systems switch from “Evening Notification” to “Daytime Banking Hours.” Flip it back and forth; you’re a bit of a wildcard. Easy there, wildcard. You’ve only got an eight hour window, or “shift,” inside that bank.

And what do we have here? The arrival of the morning armored car, hauling in the day’s change. You say the word, they’ll fork over the cash. That word? “Please.

Before you know it, it’s time to make your escape. Time flies when you’re on a “job.” You’re almost home free, but in the parking lot you find you’ve been betrayed by part of the team. Seth has once again boxed you in with his hatchback, his way of reminding you that associate tellers are not permitted to park in the bank lot.

You decide to take the M40 crosstown getaway bus. It requires exact change. Which. You. Have. Because during lunch, you remembered to exchange two singles for eight quarters. Genius. You’ll be home in under three hours.