Elvis Has Left the Building – The Harvard Lampoon

Elvis Has Left the Building

  RMC '95

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!”

TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has forgotten his coat and has now reentered the building!”

TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building, again.”

SECURITY: “All right, everyone, clear out.”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has locked his keys in his car and has, again, reentered the building!”

TEENAGE FANS: “Really?”

SECURITY: “Oh.”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis is now inside the building, looking for a coathanger!”

TEENAGE FANS: “Use my coat, Elvis!” “Ooooh! No! Use mine!” “Here’s a coathanger, Elvis!”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has now left the building for a third time.”

TEENAGE FANS: “I didn’t even get to see him.” “He took my coathanger! Did you all see that? He’s so dreamy!”

ANNOUNCER: Elvis still can’t open his car and has yet again reentered the building, now in tears!”

GROUP OF BULLIES: “Ha ha! Elvis, what a baby! Why don’t you get out of the building, Elvis? It’s our building.”

ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!”

TEENAGE FANS: “What a pansy.”