The other day I got locked up in prison for going out on the town and getting after it with the fellas. Last time I checked, “jacking off” wasn’t a crime, but the cops begged to differ. Good thing I escaped by the skin of my teeth: and here’s my story.

I was sitting in prison, when one of the security guards came over. I said “hey buddy, pass me that pair of keys you got on that there belt.” He looked at me, and said “ok pal.” I immediately took the keys and escaped from behind bars before the guard knew what had hit him. He almost realized in time, but luckily I had escaped by the skin of my teeth by then.

As I was running down the hallway towards the exit, the prison alarm bells began to blare. “ALERT, ALERT, A PRISONER HAS ESCAPED.” Guards began rushing out of their quarters to stop me, and I continued running as fast as I could. I escaped by the skin of my teeth.

After what felt like hours, I found my way to the prison courtyard. It was here that I knew I could make my escape. I began climbing the fifteen foot wall, the only thing standing between me and my freedom. The snipers took aim, and I dodged the first bullet by the skin of my teeth. The second shot missed me by a hair, and I dodged the third shot by the skin of my teeth.

As I reached the top of the wall, the warden brought out a machine gun: the strongest of the strong. Luckily it was inaccurate from a distance, so I was able to avoid the first few shots. That was just enough time to jump over the shrivel of barbed wire, and I began to make my way down the other side. However, the warden began firing a second barrage, and the bullets began hitting and piercing my skin. I immediately fell and broke all my bones, landing in a bloody hovel below.

I began gasping helplessly for breath, and soon after, passed away.