Jeremy Bentham states that pain and pleasure are our sovereign masters. It is abundantly clear that Jeremy Bentham was not a lesbian because then he would have only focused on the pleasure part. And what pleasure is greater than witnessing two girlfriends kiss under the dappled moonlight with the caption “she makes me brave”?

We set forth our modest lesbian proposal for the establishment of Second National Girlfriend Day (2NGD). Immanuel Kant famously stated, “do unto others that you would wish upon yourself.” We must therefore imagine a world in which every woman has a girlfriend, and every girlfriend is posted twice. Would you not want your own forehead kissed with that consistency? Would you not want your girlfriend to also upload photos of you looking away from the camera while you read critical theory on a picnic blanket? A world with 2NGD is a world in which tenderness is never rationed.

First National Girlfriend Day is for declaration. The second is for proof. Day one is when you post lovely photos of your girlfriend with trite captions such as “I love you.” Day two is when you post photos of the way she makes you feel, like starlight and warm bread, like the moment between lightning and thunder, like a thrifted copy of Rebecca with her margin notes in the good parts, like moss growing quietly on the side of your life and making it beautiful.

As an 18th century thinker, Kant also probably states that women are morally inferior to men. He probably wrote that a woman’s love is about, say, half the moral worth of a man’s love. 2NGD remedies this since when two women love each other, you’re now working with a full moral unit and require an additional state-sponsored holiday to deal with the overflow.

Even libertarians, who hate taxes and women, agree. In accordance with the libertarian belief in freedom from coercion, our only masters are our hearts - and that heart says to post more pictures of our girlfriends with captions like, “Here is the shelf she built me. Here is the zine of our first text messages that I found in her coat pocket. Here is how we endured.” But truthfully, 2NGD isn’t really for lesbians. Because in this household, every day is National Girlfriend Day. We don’t need the second one. We just thought some of you might.