Krauts – The Harvard Lampoon

The ▵S=Sf - Si = ∫dQ/T #

| Issue Editor: HBF '19 | Art Editor: HBF '19


  BWM '19 , Art: VIN '21

Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. 

German Soldier: Zir! All guiet on zee front, zee vorst of zee Henglisch barrage must haffe pazed.

German Captain: zis is kood! Vere cannons vonce rang, now I hear zee pells on zee dress of my dear vife Helka, pack in Perlin as sche cooks me schtrutel. Arh ! Oh sveet Helka, I am coming for vu zoon!

S: Zir, do vu hear zat? 

C: Vat, nein, I don’t hear Hanyzing… but in zis zilence liffs zee quiet nights zitting next to zee fire vith mein dear vife Helka, we vould…

S: Zir, zee noize, zee *schlick schlick schlick* 

C: mmmm… now zat vu pring it up I do hear zomezing… ja it zounds like zomeone butding fingers in ze schtrutel dough. 

S: Zir, I zink it is coming from zee Englisch line. Zir, do vu zink, could it pe, one of zee Englisch zoltiers is *mimics masturbating* relieffing himzelf? 

C: I zink vu are right, boor poy, brobably zinking of ein girlie pack home. Arh ! CHust like I zink of mein Helka in zee darkest night, vu know zon, ve are all…

(Then, from across no man’s land, a voice can be heard) *schlick schlick* “Oh I’m gonna cum *schlick schlick* to a long division problem *schlick schlick schlick schlick* I’m cumming now, guuuuuhh” 

(The Captain’s brow furrows)  

C: Zis is not kood, I zink zee Englisch, zey haffe zent zeir redards to zee fight