Marco Polo – The Harvard Lampoon

This Time Tomorrow #

| Issue Editor: OTLB '13 | Art Editor: DRB '14

Marco Polo

  BHB '13

In tales of his travels to China, Marco Polo never mentions foot binding, chopsticks, or even the Great Wall of China. Because of this, many historians believe Marco Polo never actually made it all the way to China.

Hey guys, what are you all doing here? Oh, you heard I went to China and want to hear some of my stories about it? Ummm…yeah I went there, but the thing is China is actually a super  boring place. I don’t want to waste your time.  Wait, fifty lira? You’re saying you’ll give me fifty silver lira just to hear about China? Uhhh, alright fine.

So China is this country to the East. If you go passed Turkey and then keep going, like maybe five-hundred-thousand miles, you get to China. It’s really hard to get to. If I were you I wouldn’t even try going. You will probably die along the way. Even if you make it you’ll arrive and be like, ‘oh boy this is really boring, I wish I had followed Marco Polo’s advice and not tried figuring out what China is like’.

Chinese food is alright. They have a dish called Chinese lasagna which was my favorite. They also eat a lot of Chinese bruschetta and Chinese calzones. It’s definitely not anything worth travelling to China for, it’s just like the food we have in Italy but a little bit more Chinese.

In terms of government China has this emperor. I got to meet him in his Chinese palace. He was like, ‘Hey Mr. Polo you are awesome but don’t send any of your friends out here. You have already learned everything there is to know about China. We love you but we don’t like travelers and besides there are no empty rooms for them to stay in and you can’t pitch a tent out here because the terrain is full of dangerous Chinese animals’ and I was like ‘Oh ok, I will make sure everyone back in Europe knows that they don’t need to go to China’.