My First Real Piece Ever – The Harvard Lampoon

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| Issue Editor: HBF '19 | Art Editor: HBF '19

My First Real Piece Ever

  DJL '20 , Art: TN '19

This is not a real piece, just my observation about pieces, and I am a human writing this, a perfectly normal human.

Normally, pieces start out with a catchy sentence followed by a quick subversion, which is why I’m telling you that I’m not actually a human writing this, but a giant lizard with a porn addiction. Ha, just kidding! But you totally bought it. You should’ve seen the look on your face, you giant loser. Jokes like that kill ‘em every time.

You then question to yourself: what, did that make sense, and did I actually laugh? To which a resounding ensemble tells you: yes, that was funny, and you must indeed laugh. Nevertheless, the plot then continues as is, accepting the reality of what you just wrote as fact even though it makes no sense. For example, if I were to be a giant lizard writing this, I would tell you that no amount of lizard therapy has helped my porn addiction, but, again, I am not a lizard, just a person, writing this piece, which, as I have mentioned, is my first piece ever. Well, my first real piece ever. I digress.

The meat of the story then picks up and you really start to see the clear joke of the tale– the larger joke, if you will, embedded with smaller jokes, such as: The only thing worse than this piece is my porn addiction. But, again, no porn addiction here, nor am I a lizard– just a person, who watches porn as much as the next person. Hence, no addiction, and, again, I am a person.

And then the piece starts to wrap up, and you can see where it is going; a nice finalé, if you will, of the piece. Maybe a joke or two to really bring you some more emotions, but I’m not here to tell jokes, I’m here to tell you how pieces normally go. If this were a piece, I’d reference back to, I don’t know, my porn addiction, and how I’m a giant lizard living with said porn addiction. But both are lies.

And then it ends with a one-liner subversion, usually something that you expected but didn’t expect at the same time. I don’t have one of those to give you, though, as this is not a real piece, and I am just a human, not a lizard, with no porn addiction whatsoever.