Oh, you want my... startup idea? Well, no, I couldn’t. A moment. Well, yeah I guess I could. Flips on sunglasses. So my startup idea: You can take a seat. Oh, right, you’re already sitting. This is a cafe. Well, sink your body deeper into your chair. Sorry, that came off weird. J-just, you know what you’re fine where you are. Stay seated. As long as you’re comfortable. This will be incredible. Please, don’t let me interrupt your breakfast.

Every great idea was an idea before it was a great idea because it was always just an idea. You catch me? Imagine a piece of string. Pulls out yarn from pocket. No, fuck, this is yarn. Puts yarn back in pocket. Well actually, I guess the metaphor still works with yarn. Pulls yarn out of pocket.

Imagine a piece of yarn.

Or I guess you don’t have to imagine cause I’m holding it right here. Ah sorry, it just dangled into your croissant. Don’t worry, my pockets are very clean. I mean, I wouldn’t eat a whole meal out of them, but, I don’t know, I think you’ll be fine. So: back to the yarn.

When you ask me how profitable this business could be, I say to you: how long is a piece of string? And, no, I’m not talking about this specific piece of string. How long is a theoretical piece of string . . . Any length, eh? How about that! I’m sorry I know you want to grab your latte please just one minute.

Now, to clarify, when I was referring to “that” I was talking about my answer to the hypothet ical question that you could’ve asked me but tha—Hey just one sec! Don’t leave. Let me just grab your latte from the counter for you. Milk? Sugar? Just let me know. Really, I don’t mind. What type of milk? Oat, Whole You just want me to leave, I get that. I’ll just have them bring the latte to you, K? Look, I also have a loaded gun in my pocket.

In all seriousness, I really think this start-up is gonna be hu—who are you calling? Stop stop. There will be time for phone calls later. I haven’t even finished my pitch—how could you possibly be calling your co-investors? I see. You’re calling your family. OK I’m gonna give you a minute to do that. I know I’m holding a gun to your temple, but I promise, I’m a family man. And I won’t pull the trigger unless I really have to.

By pull the trigger I meant investing, of course! But this is a fully loaded gun and I am prepared to do the unimaginable. Plus I have another one right here in my other pocket! Pulls out gun wrapped in yarn. Sorry, sometimes this stuff gets tangled up. Points gun at ceiling. This could be you investing in my Round A series! Bang, bang, bang. Now that you’ve got the idea, I’ll let you finish your breakfast. But, hey, seriously, just let me know if you’re interested. I’ll just drop you my business card on the way to the police station.