I am a science genius.

I know physics, chemistry, and biology’s definitions. My life is an experiment. My initials are DNA. My phone number is the periodic table. I wasn’t born in a test tube, but I plan to be buried in one.

I am a science genius.

I won the Nobel Prize for Best Actor. I avoid cold temperatures, so I don’t get hypothesis. When I defecate, it’s called chemical engineering. The laboratory is my playground, and I am not allowed within 500 yards of it.

I am a science genius.

I know how the storks who deliver babies can fly. I’m on trial for breaking the law of gravity. Magnetism is a figment of my imagination. I can make the sun, the moon, and the stars disappear simply by closing my eyes. The Bible is my lab report.

I am a science genius.

Explosions don’t work on me.