Texting on My Laptop – The Harvard Lampoon

Hey You Yeah You Quit Pulling My Leg #

| Issue Editor: LAS '19 | Art Editor: LAS '19

Texting on My Laptop

  MAG '21   JGS '20   TAF '19   LAS '19

Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey
Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey Sarah, sorry.
Me: I didn’t realize hitting enter on my keyboard would send a message instead of starting a new line.
Me: I’m on my laptop and I’m
Me: texting
Me: I hit enter again.
Me: Fuck.
Me: Fuck me.
Me: I hit enter
Me: again.
Me: ********************I hit enter again. Fuck.
Me: Shit
Me: Shit
Me: Shit
Me: I got
Me: I got it. If If I hit shift+enter that’ll fix it.
Me: Anyways. Hey Sarah. Haven’t seen you on campus for a while cause of the chemo, but I’m thinging about you.
Sarah: Hey Mark. Thanks.
Me: Lol thinging.
Me: I meant to say thinking
Me: Must’ve autocorrected to thinging.
Me: Anyways
Me: Hey Sarah.
Me: You thinging about prom nxt yr?
Sarah: I guess
Me: If ur alive lol
Me: SHIT SHIT SHIT
Me: ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE
Me: I’m such a klutz.
Me: I didn’t mean
Me: anything
Me: fuck me
Me: I was going to say, “If ur alive lol would you want 2 go with me?”
Sarah: It’s ok.
Sarah: I already told Rodney Ellison I’d go with him
Sarah: sorry
Me: lol
Me: Not lol
Me: Wait no. I hit enter.
Me: I’ll just copy and paste what I want to say
Me: into the chat.
Sarah: I really have to go Mark. Ttyl.
Me: https://www.pornhub.com/cancerteens/handstuffplaylist/video=?172832020
Me: wait
Me: no
Me: this is wrong
Me: I meant to paste this:
Me: ****https://www.youtube.com/atmosphericmusicforgirls/easingchemo/marksplaylist2
Me: this should help
Me: and say hi 2 ur sister 4 me
Me: Is she free for prom nxt year?
Me: If the cancer thing
Me: works out?
Me: **************doesn’t work out.
Me: SHIT
Me: Shift+Enter doesn’t fix it.
Sarah: Typing is really hard for me right now.
Me: I’ll ask rodney for her number.
Rodney Ellison has been added to the group message
Rodney: ?
Me: SHIT
Me: FUCK
Me: Shit Rodney I
Me: Fuck*** Shift+Enter got 2 remember
Me: Rodney I’ll text you in a private thread
Me: So Rodney basically what happened is I asked Sarah to prom next year if her cancer gets better and she said she’s gonna go with you and then I accidentally sent her a link to porn so I wanted to get her sisters # from you but I accidentally added you to the chat
Me: Oh no
Rodney: Jesus, man.
Me: FUCK FUCK FUCK
Me: Rodney we’re caught.
Me: Sarah you’re not gonna guess what happened
Me: I meant to text
Me: Rodney
Me: In a private thread
Me: But somehow the laptop must’ve confused it and sent it through the ether and back to the group chat.
Me: Crazy.
Me: Anyways.
Me: Rodney can u figure out how to text me directly and give me Sarag’s sister Rachel’s number?
Me: SHIT SHIT
Me: FUCK ME
Me: Sarah****
Rodney: ya sure ill send it
Rodney has added Rachel Brickman to the group message
Rachel: Hello?
Me: RACHEL FUCK SHIT FUCK AH FUCKING SHIT
Me: Nooooooooooo
Me:oooooooo
Me: FUCK
Me: ****Nooooooooooooooooo
Me: Long story
Me: But I hit enter in between Noooooooooo and the oooooooo
Me: It was supposed to be one word.
Me: All my fault.
Me: Anyhow,
Me: Hey Rachel.
Rachel: Who’s the 617 number here?
Rodney: Hey Rachel it’s Rodney Ellison
Rachel: And who’s 509 200 8752?
Me: Rachel this is Mark we’ve spoken a few times I know your sister from school
Rachel: Mark from the basketball team?
Me: No.
Me: I didn’t try out.
Me: I do computers and classes.
Me: So we were talking about prom
Me: Anyone goin?
Me: ****going
Me: Nooooooooo
Me: That’s so embrassing.
Me: lol
Me: What I mean is—- Is anyone going to the prom?
Rachel: I’m going with Brian.
Me: Which Brian?
Me: Brian Chase?
Me: Brian Saunders?
Me: Brian Robertson?
Me: Brian Foster?
Me: Brian Wilkinson?
Me: Nick Brian?
Rachel: Brian Chase.
You have added Brian Chase, Brian Saunders, Brian Robertson, Brian Foster, Brian Wilkinson, and Nick Brian to the group message.
Me: Oh no no no.
Me: Rachel you’re not gonna like when you find out what I just did.
Me: I added all the Brians to the chat.
Brian W: what’s up Mark?
Me: Oh I’m just texting on my laptop.
Me: Brian you heard about Brian Chase and Rachel
Me: ?????
Brian Wilkinson has left the chat
Me: Oh no, Brian
You have added Brian Wilkinson back to the chat
Me: Brian you gotta hear this.
Brian F: What?
Brian S: What?
Brian W: What?
Brian C: What?
Me: Brian Wilkinson.
Brian W: What?
Me: Brian you seen this?
Me: It’s a copy and paste trick
Me: Dylan Mackie’s dad showed me
Norman Mackie has been added to the chat
Me: (。 ㅅ 。)
Me: Now what does that look like to you Brian?
Brian C: Boobs.
Brian S: Boobs.
Norman: TITS!!!! It’s tits, boys.
Norman: You’ll know, soon.
Brain W: Gross, man.
Brian F: We know what tits are.
Me: yo Mr. Mackie what’s up?!
Norman: Mark! How’s the prom sitch goin?
Me: Workin on it rn!
Me: lol
Norman: That’s my boy!
Brian F: Does Dylan know we’re chatting without him, Mr. Mackie?
Norman: He’s probably at his mom’s
Brian F: Should we add him?
Dylan Mackie has been added to the chat.
Dylan: Dad?
Me: Hi Dylan.
Dylan: Dad why are talking to these guys?
Norman: These are my friends.
Brian W: Hey Dylan I just wanna say I am definitely not friends with your dad.
Brian C: ^
Brain F: ^
Me: i’m your friend Mr. Mackie!
Dylan: Dad I don’t know most of these people.
Norman: Hey boys check this out
Norman: (•_ㅅ_•)
Norman: Bigger nipples.
Me: woah nice!
Norman: I know lol.
Nick Brian: Haha that’s sick.
Brian W: Too large for my screen lol
Rachel: This is really messed up. Sarah’s asleep and needs to rest.
Rachel: Her phone is buzzing like crazy
Me: hey Rach
Me: can u sneak into the hospital for me and delete all these messages from Sarah’s phone?
Me: I wanna start fresh
Rachel: What? No.
Norman: How bout I take a crack at it Markie!
Dylan: Dad wtf mom is gunna kill us
Me: nooooooo
Me: it’ll be cool
Me: Mrs. Mackie always understands
You have added Angela Mackie to the chat.
Me: oh no
Norman: Fuck
Me: Fuck me
Me: FUCK
Norman: Noooooooo
Norman: Boys scramble!
Me: Everybody run!
Brian Chase has left the chat
Brian Wilkinson has left the chat
Brian Saunders has left the chat
Brian Foster has left the chat

Nick Brian: Leave chat
Nick Brian: Leave chat
Nick Brian: LEAVE
Nick Brian: CHAT
Nick Brian: COMMAND OPTION + A
Nick Brian: HOW DO I LEAVE
Nick Brian: HOW DO I LEAVE THE CHAT!
Me: Nick! I gotchu!
You have made Nick Brian an admin on the chat
Me: Shit! Oh Nick u r not gonna like this
Me: Nick what happened just now is that i made u an admin
Angela: What is this?
Angela: Norman what is this chat?
Nick Brian: It wasnt me!
Dylan: Mom u should leave the chat.
Angela: Mark?
Me: Mrs. Mackie whaddddup
Angela: Mark!? Haven’t heard from you in a minute! How is prom coming along?
Rodney: lol
Mark: eh so so
Angela: been there
Angela: Boys it’s 2am. Go to bed
Me: Yeah getting pretty late. U guys goin 2 bed?
Rodney: ya. Night!
Nick Brian: Night guys.
Norman: “Zzzzzz”–me.
Nick Brian: lol
Me: hahaha
Me: Norm! You Legend! Ha ha
Me: ha
Me: hahaha****
Dylan: 4 real guys, let’s call it a night
Me: Agreed. Night everyone.
Nick Brian: Night!
Angela: Good night, boys.
Rachel: omg finally. all i want to do is sleep.
Me: Psst.
Me: Anyone awake 🙂
Norman: we’re in the clear
Norman: lights out for the missus
Norman: wanna c somethin cool?
Norman has removed Dylan from the chat
Norman: ( . Y . )
Norman: ^^this is the kind Dylan’s mom has.
Norman: perky+good, small nipples. Gorge us!
Norman: **Gorgeous
Norman: Couldn’t let him see that
Norman: used to really go to town on those
Norman: these sms cost five cents to send each
Norman: Worth it lol
Me: Im actually texting from my laptop so theres no charge
Norman: genius
Angela: NORMAN
Norman: Scramble!!!
Norman: Go go go!!
Angela: Norman what the hell is wrong with you?
Norman: We gotta throw her off the scent
Norman: Add random ppl to the chat to distract
Norman: ADD THEM
You have added Robert Brickman to the chat
You have added Sandra Brickman to the chat
You have added Douglas Brickman to the chat
You have added Candace Brickman to the chat
You have added Beth Brickman to the chat
You have added Dougie Brickman to the chat
You have added Magnus Brickman to the chat
You have added Trisha Brickman to the chat
You have added Kelsey Brickman to the chat
You have added Terrance Brickman to the chat

Me: Oh no
Me: that was all of my contact list
Me: except the Brians
Me: wait
Me: WAIT
Me: *******WAIT
Me: norman they’re related to Rachel and Sarah
Me: we’re in the shit now
Me: prom is on line
Me: on the line****
Rodney: yooooo Brickmans
Me: Rodney no
Rodney: Any Brickmans here think they could drive Sarah and me to prom?
Norman: Not cool Rodney
Norman: Right in front of Mark?
Me: sall good Norm
Me: Rodney’s and me are
Me: cool
Me: We’re cool
Me: Rodney is going with Sarah
Me: Rachel is going with Brian
Me: Brian Wilkinson
Brian Wilkinson has been added to the chat
Me: Fuck.
Me: Hey Brian
Me: Hope we’re cool
Me: cool if we go to prom together?
Me: You
Me: Me
Me: Rachel B
Me: Sarah B
Me: and Rodney Ellison
Me: Us five?
Norman: six.
Me: ohyeahhaha Mr. Mackie can drive us
Me: that cool Brian?
Norman: Do u guys want me to paint my car black so it looks more like a limo?
Brian W: badass Mr. M
Nick Brian: ^^^^^
Me: You’re the best Mr. M
Me: prom will never b the same.
Norman: haha yes! Did u guys no that i have a gun?
Nick Brian: Is Dylan coming?
Norman: What do u think?
Me: a limo has seats for everyone! Y not?
Rachel: ok.
Me: YESSSSSS
Me: You’ll go?
Me: PROM WITH SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Norman check ur inbox
Me:(•_ㅅ_•)
Me:(•_ㅅ_•)
Me:(•_ㅅ_•)
Me:(•_ㅅ_•)
Me:(•_ㅅ_•_ㅅ_•)
Me: Sorry
Me: lol
Me: that was 4 Norman
Norman: i got it. no worries my man
Me: i kno we aren’t technically going
Me: sarah
Me: I kno that
Me: whoa
Me: haha Norman we still on tho
Me: the boys will
Me: ride on
Me: us
Me: together?
Rachel Brickman has left the chat
Robert Brickman has left the chat
Sandra Brickman has left the chat
Douglas Brickman has left the chat
Candace Brickman has left the chat
Beth Brickman has left the chat
Dougie Brickman has left the chat
Magnus Brickman has left the chat
Trisha Brickman has left the chat
Kelsey Brickman has left the chat
Terrance Brickman has left the chat
Nick Brian has left the chat
Angela Mackie has left the chat
Rodney Ellison has left the chat
Norman Mackie has left the chat

Me: whoaaaa
Me: why everyone leaving?
Me: b4 prom?
Me: this is crzy
Me: crazy
Me: I meant to say
Me: I meant to say this is crazy
Me: what I meant to say was
Me: “This is crazy.”
Me: I kept hitting space
Me: anyways
Me: sarah.. I think rodney left the chat
Me: seems like he kinda hung us out to dry
Me: NOT COOL
Me: if you ask me
Me: well
Me: anyways sarah
Me: sorry to hear about your cancer
Me: im sure u can still dance
Me: haha
Me: lol
Me: imagine us dancing on the dancefloor
Me: at PROM
Me: hahahaha
Me: haha
Me: uhhh
Me: idk
Me: hm
Me: g2g sarah
Me: c u at school?
Me: haha
Me: bye
Me: maybe?
You have left the chat
Sarah: Sure Mark!
Sarah: It’s a date.
Norman Mackie has reentered the chat
Norman: yoooooooooo
Norman: Mark I’m just playin
Norman: I ain’t leavin the boys
Sarah Brickman has left the chat
Norman: Mark?