Newly released records reveal that the Cuban Missile Crisis only happened because everybody involved was hungry.

CUBAN EXILES: [in Spanish] Okay, we’re at the bay now... where are the pigs?

CASTRO: [pointing towards booby trapped pile of roast pork and also speaking Spanish] Over there!

CUBAN EXILES: [in Spanish still] Ha. You think we’re falling for that? That’s pork, which is from chickens.

CASTRO: [also still in Spanish] Pork is from pigs. Chicken is from chickens.

CUBAN EXILES: [Spanish] I see. Things have changed around here. Let’s go!

The following conversation is in English except where noted

JFK: [on the phone] Robert? Can you hear me?

SECRETARY OF LUNCH: Mr. President? Tuna or turkey for lunch?

RFK: [on the phone] John, we’ve got to decide where we’re putting the nuclear missiles.

JFK: Hmmm...

RFK: How about Iran?

SECRETARY OF LUNCH: The tuna again?

JFK: No. Turkey will do nicely.

RFK: Very well. I will inform the Turks. [hangs up]

SECRETARY OF LUNCH: Very well. I will inform the chef.

JFK: What was that you were asking me, Robert? Hello? Can you hear me?

SECRETARY OF DINNER: Mr. President?

JFK: Get out of here, dolt. You’re four hours early.

SECRETARY OF BREAKFAST: Mr. President?

JFK: And you’re three hours late. What is with you people? Can’t get a damn thing done around here. What the hell was Robert asking me about?

KHRUSHCHEV: [in Russian] I would like to have a sandwich.

MIKOYAN: [in Russian] Sir, we have important business to take care of.

KHRUSHCHEV: [in Russian-accented English] Give me a sandwich.

MIKOYAN: [taking the cue, also in Russian-accented English] We must decide what level of aggression is appropriate here. If we station the missiles in Cuba and the Americans find out—

KHRUSHCHEV: [back to Russian] Will deciding to put the missiles there allow me to have a sandwich?

MIKOYAN: [taking the cue again, in Russian now] Well, I suppose that’s the only item on the—

KHRUSHCHEV: [still in Russian] Put the missiles there. And then arrange for a sandwich.

KHRUSHCHEV: [on the phone, in perfect English] Truce?

JFK: [in perfect English as well] Lunch?

Both laugh heartily. Laughter transcends borders and ideologies.