— Dude, what the hell? When I type the letter ‘p’ into your browser it automatically suggests a bunch of porn.
— Do you have to borrow my laptop right now?
— I just tried typing the letter ‘a’, and the first result that comes up is ‘amazing porn.’
— Seriously, give that back.
— For ‘b’ it just says ‘big porn.’ What does that even mean?
— How about I just buy you your own laptop so you don’t have to use mine to do homework? We can go to the Apple Store right now.
— For ‘m’ it’s suggesting ‘minimum sentence for accidental murder with samurai sword.’
— Haha, you got me man. I watch a lot of porn.
— What’s up with that last one?
— It’s um… also porn. Super niche, kinky stuff. Try typing ‘x.’
— It says ‘xylophone is a word that starts with x. Now show me that good, good porn.’
— See? All there is to see on my laptop is porn. Now if you could please stop—
— ‘L.’ ‘Is it possible to bring someone back to life after dying?’
— That’s um… one of my favorite porn videos. Pretty niche, but really hot.
— ‘D.’ ‘Does CPR work on decapitated head?’
— I’m just going to unplug the Wi-Fi router.
— ‘S.’ ‘Step by step guide on how to cut birthday cake with samurai sword in most kick-ass way possible including 720 degree spin and flip no expert supervision required’
— …
— Wow man, you’re into some super weird porn.