—Okay. Focus. You’re your own last line of defense. Can’t let them steal me. See something; say something.

—247th conformist saying, “the eyes follow you around the room,” today. Imagine if these puppets knew the truth.

—248th sheep. Baaa.

—Boo! I totally got that guy.

—I wish, just once, someone would comment on my personality.

—If the coke I’m doing right now makes my pupils dilate, is that gonna mess with this third grade class’s sketches of me?

—Had that dream again where Lisa and I swap places, and she looks through my eye holes, and everyone’s like, “Wow, The Mona Lisa looks really different today,” and I’m just sitting there trying and failing to do the smile, and then terrorists bomb the Louvre. I wonder what it means.

—Everyone thinks her smile is so cute. I could do that if I wanted.

—20 goddamn years on this job and still no lunch breaks.

—I should unionize with the guy who stands behind Van Gogh and the people behind those creepy farmers in American Gothic.

—I wonder if the people behind the creepy farmers are holding hands back there.

—That would be kind of sweet.

—I wonder if they’ve ever fucked

—Ew, no! Stop thinking about that. C’mon man.

—When that one art historian told that other art historian that my eyes “follow you around the room,” and then the other art historian was like, “no idiot, that’s just basic portrait technique,” I really wish I had jumped in on behalf of the first art historian.

—What the fuck! What the fuck! That kid just touched my boob! Did anybody see that Security?

—I’m pretty tired. I’m sure no one will anyone notice if I just take a little... nap...

—FUCK FUCK WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING?