Time Traveler: People of Salem, stop this madness! These women are innocent.
Executioner: What?
Time Traveler: What you’re doing disproportionately discriminates against a subset of society on the basis of identity.
Executioner: (high-fives other Puritans)
Time Traveler: This woman committed no crime other than the crime of being strong and beautiful.
Executioner: The witch? Goodie Brenda? She burned down a school.
Time Traveler: Probably to protest the lack of schooling she received!
Executioner: Look man, when you’re stabbing other kids with pencils, the board pretty much has to consider an expulsion.
Time Traveler: I wish you could see the gender and sexuality office of my private New England liberal arts college. Your worldview is so small.
Witch: (pokes head out of rat-filled burlap sack)
Time Traveler: She’s alive!
Witch: To be honest, I’m like—I’m a pretty bad person. I kind of deserve this.