We visited JGC’s grandfather (certified white boy) (pictured right circa 1953) and asked for some words of wisdom. Here is what we learned.

• “If you press on the baby’s head, he’ll finally start speaking Chinese.”
• “The sole use for the library computer is to look at pornography.”
• “Bitches ain’t shit if they don’t have their concealed handguns licenses.”
• “Cat’s got your nose. I’ve got the last four digits of your social security. Who do you think is in charge?”
• “If you get a mouse a cookie, I might just beat you to a pulp.”
• “There was a black president before Obama. They just don’t want you to know about it.”
• “Doctor needs me to take one pill in the morning, one at lunch, and one in the evening. Okay sure bozo.”
• “I got this ol AI to recreate a video of my deceased wife saying happy birthday and they done turned her to a Pacific Islander.”
• “You kids come back from college and start yapping about Israel. What the hell is even that.”
• “Throw a bottle of hoisin sauce in front of white people and they’ll assume it belongs on every dish at the table.”
• “I remember my first mole fight.”
• “Ima start screaming until you leave.”
• “Broke up with my bitch while she was playing fruit ninja. Whole lot of mmhms.”
• “Shower thoughts day 127: Fuck you I didn’t shower today.”
• “Mannnn. I should’ve ordered that.’ Brother. No one told you to order fried pickles as your entree.”
• “I swear to god my momma always be calling with a serious event that requires my full attention as soon as that bill come out.”
• “Please do not mention Vietnam in my vicinity.”
• “Dudes be stroking their scruff and saying ‘3 days and counting’ who gives a fuck.”
• “With enough hard work and dedication, I might just stop hating you.”
• “The government shut down? Damnit. I was planning on blowing the bitch up.”