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Pieces

A Worry
10
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
Measuring the Length of my Penis
37
BWM '19-'21   •   February 2020
*mmmm* ..    (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark)    “mmm…
FOMO Cop
101
SMR '25   •   May 2023
There were never any parties where I grew up. Believe me—I asked everybody. For my eighteenth…
World Famous Worm
60
FOD '24   •   December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
History Class
50
AHG '25   •  
Teacher: …and that is why so many of us are related to Genghis Khan. Jimmy: Related? To a w…
Late
204
JTK '24   •   January 2022
I look down at the watch tattooed on my wrist. It’s 10:00. Fuck. I look up at my wall clock t…
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24   •   September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
Day in the Life Comix
30
IKI '26   •   May 2023
Swearing Kills
54
MFP '23-24   •   May 2022
Playwriting
56
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we h…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Suburban Safari Comix
30
AKG, DCCP   •   December 2023
My First Kid
49
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Opening scene: my wife’s going into labor. I watch a lot of TV, so I know what to do. “…
The Art of the Username
11
PKS '21-'22   •   May 2020
Choosing a permanent username is a lot like choosing a name for your new baby insofar as it’s…
Opening Line of My Book
BWM '19-'21   •   February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
The Taco Bell on Beverly
30
HBF '19   •   January 2020
“Where are you going?” you ask the homeless man wandering down San Vicente. “Don&…
Wheel of Fortune
31
MFP '23-24   •   December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D   L_KE &n…
Genesis
10
HJH '19   •   December 2020
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but …
The Time I Got Caught Milking
22
YMC '21-'22   •   February 2020
One time I was at the farm, milking some cows when Bobby, the guy that owns the farm, comes out run…
Non-Confrontational Judge
39
JKF '25   •   May 2023
Thank you all so much for showing up to the courthouse this morning, even in the rain. Over the pas…