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Pieces
Tales of Vengeance
11
MAG '21-'22 • September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
Vanagon
13
MAS '18 • December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
Suburban Journaling
48
JKF '25 • December 2023
On summer nights, I would sit by the train tracks. There wasn’t much to do around town except…
Retirement Compound Salesman
28
MAV '23-'24 • November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
47
CYL '26 • December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
Prisoner’s Dilemma
60
EBC '22-'23 • November 2019
Sitting handcuffed in the interrogation room, I started to sweat. They had the room at a cool 65, b…
Tech Support Chat
GPL '21-'22 • October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
Office Crush
70
YMC '21-'22 • December 2022
From the moment I met Louise Arlington, I knew the girl was trouble. "Sir?", she said. My god, that…
Movie Theatre
14
SWR '19-'20 • March 2019
Ghost Hunters
42
MMM '20 • December 2020
School’s out, plan is a go. It’s officially Halloween. My parents think I&r…
Cryobank Waiting Room
196
JLN '21-22 • October 2020
- First time? - Yeah. Gotta pay rent somehow. - &…
Teacher’s Note
31
MFP '23-24 • July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
May December Romance
93
EB '24 •
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
Heaven
103
CLC '22-'23 • December 2022
– And the last thing is that the Build-A-Bear is closed Sundays, so you’ll want to plan…
Love Song
MFP '23-24 • November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
Vanitas
LRK '21-'22 • January 2021
Dear Readers, My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
Cold War Frat Boy
300273
SAB '24 • May 2022
Nuclear warheads dropping near the die table. Bombs away, babes. Time for a quick game to 11 before…
SchopenMeower Cartoons
24
AMC '23 • May 2022
Van Gogh
10
JKF '25 • September 2022
“Let’s start this interview with a simple question. Van, in just a few sentences, how d…
Larry takes a trip on Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas
FSS '21 • March 2020
Patricia: Hello everyone and welcome to Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas. My name is Patricia…
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