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Pieces

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Snails Need Love Too
November 2019
A darkly handsome bladesman stood at the edge of the clearing. I didn’t recognize him, but hi…
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Birthday Card
October 2008
GRANDFATHER: Here’s a card from me. Happy birthday. SON: Thanks, grandpa. MOTHER: Read it a…
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Algorithms
7
January 2020
Algorithms are all around us. You might not see or hear them, but they are present. They are there …
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Tax Collector
55
May 2022
When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots …
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If Money Grew On Trees
23
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
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A Man with a Limp and Three Glass Eyes
December 2020
Who am I? I’m the guy who sits in the bar all day and waits for some tall dark and handsome h…
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Dear President
19
October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
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Hammurabi
13
July 2021
After the success of his first 282 laws, the Babylonian lawgiver released a less popular but more n…
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Squigley
10
December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
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My First Kiss
20
September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
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The Guys Who Invented Ping Pong
10
July 2021
GUY 1: Check this out…(opens up the game PONG on Atari)GUY 2: Woah! (plays PONG)GUY 1: If on…
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May December Romance
55
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
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Love Song
November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
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Secret Journal
5
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
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Whale Watching
11
October 2020
Guide: And here we have a FULL ORCA BREACH FOLKS A FULL BREACH! 9 O’CLOCK!!! Crowd: Wow! Ga…
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Family
1
October 2020
I’ve got a crazy family — two brothers, four sisters, three half-brothers, one quarter-…
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Game Theoretic Standoff
128
May 2022
- Freeze, punk! I’ve got you in my pistol’s sights. You can either come over and let me…