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Pieces

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Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 18,482
July 2021
Track 1 – Give Me a Little Gas, SisterTrack 2 – Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the F…
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Springtime Getaway
12
September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency.  Hi, my 8-months pregna…
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Olympic Curling
6
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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My First Kiss
20
September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
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Ashes
1
March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
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Letter to Roosevelt
January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
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Answering Machine
October 2020
– (pickup) Hello? – Doc?! Is that you? It’s Billy.  – The Doctor is …
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Stars
6
June 2021
-Wow, you’re right, stargazing is pretty cool. -Stare long enough, and apparently you start …
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Gorilla Larry
18
October 2020
– Woo wooo  eeh  ahhh  wooo  *feeds on stems*. – There he is, what…
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Larry’s Donation
February 2020
Larry inhaled for a second, let the shivers pass, and proceeded to wipe the spunk off the glossy ma…
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Retirement Compound Salesman
14
November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
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The Trial of the Decade
1
October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
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Hell
1
November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
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Application
11
October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
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Polygamy
1063
November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
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King of Smooth
35
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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Store Closing
December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…