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Pieces
Apology
17
EAT '24 • May 2023
Thank you to the school committee for having me. You may know me as the woman whose son killed the …
Kermit
75
MAS '18 • December 2020
Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that ha…
Advice For A New CIA Agent
15
HHD • October 2008
Welcome to your first day in the CIA. First of all, congratulations. If you’re an agent, you …
My Speech For Tonight
35
RIP '09 • October 2008
Hi everyone. I’m Jess’s father. Thank you all for coming to Jess’s sweet sixteen.…
A Quest
3
ASB '17 • December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
Non-Confrontational Judge
39
JKF '25 • May 2023
Thank you all so much for showing up to the courthouse this morning, even in the rain. Over the pas…
Fat Camp
120
JLG '21 • March 2019
My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it’d be so much easier for t…
Incentives
52
MRB '25 • December 2023
Ever since I earned my online economics nanodegree, I’ve been controlling my fourth-grade cla…
Guest Lecture by Joseph Campbell at University of Chicago, Transcript 11/24/68
32
JTB '20-22 • December 2020
Good evening students. I’d like to begin by thanking those of you who showed up to this lectu…
Ghost Hunters
42
MMM '20 • December 2020
School’s out, plan is a go. It’s officially Halloween. My parents think I&r…
Swearing Kills
54
MFP '23-24 • May 2022
Crazy Parents
4
JBO '10 • October 2008
CRAZY PARENTS are a huge problem for all of us. But are your parents crazy in a comedy way, or a re…
Draft Dodging
50
RYSL • May 2023
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully,…
Hammurabi
15
ZDG '20 • July 2021
After the success of his first 282 laws, the Babylonian lawgiver released a less popular but more n…
Bulimia Recovery Clinic
81
YMC '21-'22 • March 2022
My parents decided to send me to the public Bulimia Recovery Clinic over in Toad Suck, Arkansas the…
Sleepy Sam
48
JRD '22-'23 •
Coming soon to a theater near you… (upbeat music playing) Sam Shmorganstein is a zookeeper w…
Measuring the Length of my Penis
37
BWM '19-'21 • February 2020
*mmmm* .. (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark) “mmm…
Springtime Getaway
23
OMA '24 • September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency. Hi, my 8-months pregna…
Goin’ West
DRM '18 • December 2020
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …
Wheel of Fortune
31
MFP '23-24 • December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D L_KE &n…
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