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Pieces

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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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Squigley
10
December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
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An Undercover Cop In The Movie ‘Footloose’
May 2021
Psssst. Hey kids. Yeah you guys. Looking for a good time? I could help you out with some purchases …
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Online Quiz
December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
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Operation Enduring Freedom
October 2020
George Bush:  Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated at…
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King of Smooth
21
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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How Long Have You Been Unemployed?
October 2020
Uncle Buck: That’s an incredibly personal question. Me: I’m just asking because I&rsqu…
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Safari
September 2020
“And here you’ll see the world’s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example…
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Sometimes when I’m thinking…
2
November 2020
Sometimes when I’m thinking about doing something a little devil will pop up on one of my sho…
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Gun Show
July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
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Costume Party
1
December 2020
— Hey Brenda how’s it— jesus christ dude! — Ha ha fooled ya. Don’t I…
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Crying in the Rain
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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The C5 Beer Pong Table Piece
December 2019
So you’re in the market for a custom Beer Pong Table, preferably in the C4 through C6 range, …
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Wet Dream
94
January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
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One Man Car Wash
June 2020
– (standing on street corner with buckets of water, some rags, and a ‘Car Wash’ s…
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Tales of Vengeance
10
September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
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Vanitas
2
December 2020
Now that you finally have this issue in your hands, you’re probably wondering one thing and o…
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Therapy
40
January 2022
Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture.  That’s a headshot of you, bu…
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What I Imagine Summer Camp is Like
December 2020
1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast. 2. I eat slop wit…