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Pieces

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Operation Enduring Freedom
October 2020
George Bush:  Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated at…
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Driving to a Burger Joint
October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
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A Day in the Life of Hamish Olsen, New York, 19
33
December 2020
She looked at him like a deer in headlights might look at someone if it had human eyes. Hamish had …
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Waterboy
82
January 2022
It’s my first day as waterboy. The rest of staff is nowhere to be found, so I guess I gotta…
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Ghost Hunters
32
December 2020
School’s out, plan is a go.  It’s officially Halloween.  My parents think I&r…
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Classical Conditioning
48
January 2022
Alright class, today we’re going to cover something called classical conditioning. Can I get …
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Bad Days
10
October 2020
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours. …
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Commercial Shoot
December 2020
-Listen, kid. This is easy. Just read off the teleprompter, and we’re golden. Start whenever.…
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Yo Mama So Fat
24
April 2019
-…is the best way I thought I could begin breaking this news, Timmy. I’m so sorry. She…
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Glossary of Future Terms
10
July 2021
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll nee…
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The Taco Bell on Beverly
1
January 2020
“Where are you going?” you ask the homeless man wandering down San Vicente. “Don&…
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My Feminism
December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
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The Count of Monte Cristo Returns to Marseilles
December 2020
Count: People of Marseilles! For twenty years you unfairly imprisoned me. Now behold my immens…
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Blockbuster
12
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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WWE
December 2020
Announcer: In the red corner, he’s your favorite all-American punisher, it’s Joe &ldquo…
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D-Day Picnic
June 2020
Soldiers: (storm the beach) (lots of explosions) Father: What the heck we’re having a picnic…
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A Taste of My Own Medicine
8
October 2020
Most people don’t believe this, but my job wasn’t always swindling terminally-ill peopl…
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Love Song
November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
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Judge, Jury, and Executioner
December 2020
…and now that I’ve got you, I’ll be your judge, jury, and executioner. Wait, …