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Pieces

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Obituary
11
July 2021
If you would’ve told me yesterday that I’d be writing an obituary for the guy in this…
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Lampy Goes to Bartaco
52
October 2022
What is the only thing Harvard students like more than telling people they went to school “ri…
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Operation Enduring Freedom
October 2020
George Bush:  Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated at…
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Medical Report
11
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me.  It started p…
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The Beat Generation
2
March 2019
Jazz flowed from the streets in the 50s. We swam naked in the churches. We prayed in the oceans. We…
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Amnesia
1
October 2019
– John? I mean uh, excuse me random stranger? – What do you want? – I have amne…
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Advice
January 2020
Listen bro I totally get where you’re coming from, but just remember that next time you point…
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Love Song
November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
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Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
10
September 2020
Peter Sagal: Thaaaanks Bill, it’s the week between Christmas and new years and we here at Wai…
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How Cancer Eventually Got Cured
9
July 2021
Before you say anything, we know what you’re thinking: why should you care that cancer eventu…
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If It Were Big Bird
May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
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Chimney Sweep
27
January 2017
Chimney sweeping is what I was born to do since I have no arms or legs. Doctors called my missing l…
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Femme Fatale
3
October 2020
She walks into the room and grabs my attention. Or maybe she grabs my hand. I’m shaking now. …
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Package Delivery FAQ
16
Q: I had issues receiving the correct product. What should I do? A: Name which of the following sc…
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Brinkmanship
30
May 2022
“The ability to get to the verge without getting into the war is the necessary art” &nd…
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Dandelion Tales
3
May 2021
Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a co…
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SNOWED IN
10
January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
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Words to Console a Grieving Friend
15
September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
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Goin’ West
December 2020
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …