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Pieces
Driving a Plane
42
EAT '24 • September 2021
As I’m driving a plane down the highway, airport control radio crackles in, “Unit 332, …
Things I Want to Tell Stacy Now That I’m No Longer In Eighth Grade
40
KMM • February 2010
– I was the one who kind of initiated the tradition of everyone hugging each other at the end…
Online Quiz
15
BWM '19-'21 • December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
Draft Dodging
60
RYSL • May 2023
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully,…
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24 • September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
Going to America
109
LKN '25 • May 2023
Grandpa says that in America, the streets are paved with gold and the water is made of milk and hon…
Movie Theatre
14
SWR '19-'20 • March 2019
QUEER ON THE FRONTIER
8
BWM '19-'21 • October 2020
Host: Hello and welcome back to Queer on the Frontier: the show that examines cultural representati…
D-Day Picnic
ZDG '20 • June 2020
Soldiers: (storm the beach) (lots of explosions) Father: What the heck we’re having a picnic…
Vanagon
13
MAS '18 • December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
Placebo
77
JTK '24 • May 2022
Whale Watching
11
HJH '19 • October 2020
Guide: And here we have a FULL ORCA BREACH FOLKS A FULL BREACH! 9 O’CLOCK!!! Crowd: Wow! Ga…
My Anime Fanfiction
19
JEC '21 • November 2020
You wake up in your high school dorm. Umaru-chan, your roommate / stepsister who is also your girlf…
Letter to Roosevelt
10
MMM '20 • January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
Missy Manners
126
Josh Lieb '93 • November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
The History of Hats
3
JPW '21 • October 2020
There are all types of hats, like silver or classic. But hats haven’t always dominated our co…
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22 • September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
A Quest
3
ASB '17 • December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21 • May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death. -Wow, so you mus…
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
24
CAS '12 • May 2021
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the e…
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